I heard of the word narcissist often used by women mad at their significant others. I never really knew what it meant or that I was actually married to one for over 18 years until the day I left him.
Over the years the control, verbal abuse emotional abuse isolation and at the end of our marriage physical abuse didn’t want my children to believe this was healthy love. I was starting to lose myself. In 2011 I left, ironically on 9-11- 2011 is when I signed my lease agreement to a rental property for myself and three children. I had full faith it was my turn to be happy. This was going to be our start to a new healthy life.
Narcissist if I had only knew the term was so much more than just an adjective to describe someone if I don’t do my homework or prepared myself to divorce a narcissist man after 18 years. 18 years with a man and mother to his children I just never imagined or crew prepared because how can someone who you spent most of your life with I want to destroy you without taking into any concern for the well-being of his children merely for his own self game and that was to ruin me. I quote my ex husband
“I will burn you, you will never see your kids you will never see a dime for me I’m going to watch you burn!”
I’m sad to say but he’s winning and reason for asking for help. I’ve given it a good fight to prevail but this is a battle that I’m not going to ever win on my own. I’ve now found myself disability for PTSD, major panic anxiety disorder along with ADHD.
On my disability income, I feel so hopeless scared for myself on how am I going to handle anymore trauma. How am i going to make it, how am I going to be okay, if not for myself for my children. I’ve been raped, attacked, victimized because of my vulnerable state just trying to survive. I am a shell of a woman, a mother ,friend or person I used to be.
I know I have so much to offer this world. I’m creative and hardworking. I was 100% full time mother. I was there rock until I could no longer afford the cost of living. Now homeless, I was forced to have my children live full time with my ex-husband.
I just need a helping hand. I just need that jump-starts so that I can be who I was supposed to be.
I used to own my own photo business until he had to sell my equipment for food on the table. I need help to afford to re purchase my equipment and start my business back up.
I need help to pay for first and last downpayment on a rental home – a roof over my head.
I need help to go back to school and get my real estate license.
I would love help to be able to repair my car or if anyone has a old car they like to donate.
I know with just a lift off that I am sure to soar.