Hello, I would like to thank anyone who has stopped long enough to take the time to read my post.
I have no words to define my appreciation!
Id like to start by saying I’m a 45 year old woman that has been through many struggles but I’ve always managed to make it through. Honestly looking back it feels like my past has been just one big struggle starting at the young age of 14 when my parents divorced and both moved away. My mom moved 4 hours away and immediately remarried and my dad moved about 15 mins away and remarried as well.
They divorced over my mom being unfaithful and at the time I blamed her for tearing my family apart and refused to move anywhere with her and the woman my dad remarried made it perfectly clear in more ways than one that I wasn’t important. She had 4 young kids of her own at the time and instead of my dad protecting me from not feeling just as important and loved as his new family he decided to leave me. He made the choose to leave me at the age of 14 on my own while he raised his new wife’s 4 kids. From that day on I was no longer my dads daughter. At the time I felt like I had lost my everything and in a way truly did! I was a young girl lost in this big world that had absolutely no one. I felt abandoned, not loved, alone and very scared. I was forced to grow up way faster than I should have and was left to figure the world on my own. I ended up pregnant at 17, had a baby boy at 18 and had no idea what kinda life was still ahead. Needless to say the father and I didn’t work out. He ended up with custody of my son. I had no steady home for him and my baby daddy’s parents could provide a home as well as everything else I couldn’t so I didn’t try to fight it. I had to make the best choose for my child and that clearly was not with me at that time. It was one of the most painful things I’ve done but I knew it was the right thing to do. I was still a child myself lost in this huge world.
Everything I owned fit in a Nike gym bag, I couch surfed mostly, stayed with who ever I could until I wore my welcome out and just did the best I could day by day. Eventually things turned in my favor and I was fortunate enough to find the man I would soon call my husband. I finally belonged and had people I could call family and I cherished every moment but unfortunately it didn’t last long! I ended up pregnant with another baby boy, gave birth and had the best 3 months of my life until that tragic morning came. My precious baby boy! I’ll never forget waking up that morning. It was January 28th. I remember that date clearly because my bday is the 31st and the same day I laid my baby to rest. I’ll never forget looking over to see my 3 month old wasn’t breathing. He was cold to the touch and even though I refused to say it out loud I knew my baby was gone.They called it SIDS! I called it the first day to total destruction. I had finally knew what it felt like to be needed, to be loved and to love with my whole being and it had been ripped away from me in a split second. I totally fell apart. Still just a child at 20 by this time I couldn’t help but feeing cursed, not deserving, not worthy. I had lost all will to live. All i wanted was the pain to go away. So like many others I became a heroine addict. I had nothing left to lose. It took the pain away and that’s all I cared about. I stayed in a state of what I can only call hell for a few year until I was pregnant again. A baby girl this time but that did not stop me from the drugs and all the terrible things that comes with it. I stole, lied and a-lot more to keep my addiction going. I lost custody of my baby girl and the man I married became a drug addict as well. He also became fantastic at spending his time and his bed with any other woman than me and I just knew i couldn’t feel worse pain. I eventually found myself alone again just this time it was on the floor of a prison cell with a 5 year sentence after stealing a purse from a grocery cart. Boy that was hard times too. Going through the withdrawal alone, knowing my husband was with another woman while I was locked away, not a single visitor the entire time I was there. I honestly believed hell was earth and I was in it. It took a long time and a lot of hard work but I did recover, I got released from prison and knew my baby girl was counting on me. I’m all she had and I had to get myself together for her. I took it day by day and I succeeded at getting her back, got a full time job I loved and a place to call home for me and my girl. Things were going well partly because when i was released from prison my husband was on his way in. If that weren’t the case I don’t think I would have accomplished all I did but eventually my husband got released and said all the right things to win me back, next thing I knew I had a family of my own again. I loved my husband more than life itself but the truth is he never loved me like that. He chose to go back to his addiction and other woman once he was released. I dealt with it for years in fear of losing the one person I truly believed had ever loved me. I saved up enough money for a down payment on a house and made my dream come true. I actually succeeded at buying a home and my husband and i was great as long as I overlooked his problems. I didn’t wanna lose him I wanted to share my success with him. I did get a lucky break and was able to buy what I call home on land contract, It was a rehab so got a fantastic deal and was on cloud 9. All id been through I didn’t think I could succeed at anything let alone at being a home owner. Never been so proud and still am to this very day but eventually I got tired of all the devastation and hurt from being constantly cheated on and realized my daughter deserved more than a daddy on drugs so I finally gained the strength to part ways with him to only find him in a hotel room just one month later on Feb 14th. Yup Valentine’s Day. He was dead on the floor from a drug overdose. Oh no what did i do? I kicked my husband out instead of trying to keep getting help for him. I gave up on the man I loved instead of continuing to support him and now he’s dead? Gone! Why me? Why is my life this way?
So soon after I decided it was time my mom and I try to start mending our relationship. I’m so grateful for that decision I made. I cherish those days. Soon after that she was diagnosed with cancer. She passed away 6 months later on Dec 25th yup Christmas Day. Jesus what did I do wrong? Why is this my life? I sit here now in that sand home I’m so proud of but also in fear cause I know it may not be mine much longer. I’ve lived a tough life, I’ve struggled very hard in my days. i was on my own at 14, never knew where my next meal was gonna come from, raised myself, overcame addiction, lived through prison, sat with my kids in the dark from not being able to pay the bill, I’ve buried my baby in Jan on my bday, said my last good bye to my mom in dec on Christmas Day and buried my husband in Feb on Valentine’s Day and so many more struggles to list. I’m now in a place where I’m about to lose my home. My daughter got pregnant at 17. I’m now raising her baby girl. I paid my house off last year but couldn’t afford the taxes. They were sold to a 3rd party and I can’t fail my granddaughter. She needs a safe home. She deserves it unfortunately I have no way to save it for her so I’m reaching out to someone willing to help me. I have no family to ask and I just thought if I got lucky and someone read my story that they could understand how badly I need a break in life. I’ve worked so hard and I’ve made it so far. I am out of options and have mental and physical disabilities that forced me out of work. My taxes doubled when they was bought so they are 2, 500 dollars. I just relived the worst 3 months of my life I do every year and I’m aftaid I just don’t have the strength to fight this battle. I have no money for the electricity, I have no money at all but at this moment I still have my home and my beautiful granddaughter. I can’t lose either. My home is my biggest success and my granddaughter is what gets me out of bed every morning. Please anyone capable of anything no one would be more grateful than myself. Thanku so much for taking the time to read this. God bless.
paypal.me/KimberlyCain