paypal.me/shaunalynfit
“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” -Winston Churchill
It is very humbling to ask for help. It wasn’t very many years ago that my kids and I financially wanted for nothing. Beautiful home, expensive car, expensive gifts, Maui vacations…our lives were seemingly perfect and carefree.
But nothing is as it seems, is it?
Like many stories out there, we also lived in a world of fear and control. No means to go, too terrified to stay. Years of living quietly in our home, staying out of the way, hiding in closets…we survived each “bad day” of my ex-husband’s life. But his anger outbursts escalated, and one February night, barefoot in the snow at 4am, we ran for safety. And I have been fighting for our safety, security, and peace for years since.
I support my children with no help. I work full time and part time. I would do it again and again to live free. My kids are independent, smart, social, kind, athletic, and so, so sweet. They have dealt with too much in their short lives, but they keep going. Everyday they choose HAPPINESS. They never complain (well sometimes!) that we struggle. They appreciate living in a comfortable, happy home. They try not to ask for much. They work hard and play hard and live SO LOUD now!
And we survive – barely. Some days I don’t eat so they can participate in the sports or go to the school dance or help with the school fundraiser or advance to the county spelling bee (or whatever it may be) – nothing different than most families have probably done a time or two. Some days I am proud of how far we have come. And some days I am terrified of what will happen next.
“Next” happened.
Saturday my Honda CRV started flashing lights on the turnpike. ALL THE LIGHTS. The only car that gets me to work, the kids to school (and football and basketball and cheer and baseball – depending on the season). That car – and it seems so silly – is how my kids go to bed at night with something in their belly. That stupid car gives us our freedoms…it allows us hope each morning that we can do this – we will be okay. I’m not saying that we aren’t struggling or that most nights you won’t find me exhausted, curled up crying myself to sleep, praying for one tiny break…but thankfully I am healthy and strong and able to support us.
I am lost. Paralyzed in fear again honestly.
Diagnostics stated I have a power train system issue – could be as simple as replacing a variable valve timing pressure switch ($150-250) – or the entire module (IDK – they estimated a thousand bucks but it might as well be a million).
And perhaps my biggest problem, the Anti-Lock Brake System either “works or it doesn’t.” This part has grounded us. I can drive it but will it kill us? I have no idea until they fix it. Maybe the sensor just might not be working. Meaning my car doesn’t know to start stopping basically. It is dangerous for sure, but the sensor itself (plus labor) is also$150-200. However they might get in there and the whole ABS module is shot…IDK. $2000 plus labor – or a hundred million. Whichever. It’s the same in my world.
I need help. I’m terrified to get too far behind. I only have my sister and she is married with kids – she cannot take on another family.
I hope to someday have dug us out of this hole.
I hope I made my kids proud to be mine.
I hope to read a story like this and be able to give.
And I really, really hope there is someone out there today that feels like saving us.
Thank you.❤️
paypal.me/shaunalynfit