Summer is a time when you need to not only fix your house in order, but also everyday life. I also start working on cleaning up my life and realize that I am in a dead end. I understand that in order to ensure a full life for my daughter and to organize our daily lives and needs something must be done and one must ask for help no matter how sad it feels!
I no longer know where to go when the state has no solutions for single parents or for parents with single custody, I do not want to believe that I am a single parent in all of Sweden with the situation as mine. I am a responsible mother who works as a nurse and have been doing it for the past 10 years, I take care of my daughter and have a roof over my head but tomorrow we can also end up on the street even though I do everything right and fight every day to find solutions! It all started when I was to realize my dream of moving to Spain 2019 February, I had arranged accommodation in Spain, packed my bags and bought tickets to move, all of a sudden I got sick of covid and my trip was canceled, meanwhile I started meeting guy I knew 10 years back, we started hanging out, fell in love, got engaged, I got pregnant after the first romantic night together, I could not get pregnant in the last 7 years, but all of a sudden I did, I was the happiest woman in world when I looked at a positive pregnancy test, but the happiness did not last long, when I was in the month of pregnancy 4-5 I was beaten outside my gate where I lived, two women who beat me lying and screaming on marks, the only thing I could think of this moment how to save my child who is inside me! One of the women who abused me turned out to be my boyfriend’s wife who he had lied to that they had separated. I made a police report and contacted the social services then I had to leave the apartment immediately and was placed in sheltered housing, I did not stay long because I wanted to come on my own feet before the baby was born, I received protected personal data and found second hand apartment.The woman who abused me continued to terrorize me by looking for me in my workplaces, through facebook, instagaram, through friends and family who are in my country, she even made contact with old classmates that I had not had contact with 17 years ago, sometimes I got a message, lots of message-maybe 20 in 3 minutes where she threatens me that I will die, anyway I moved into others hands apartment I had found, but I could not be there alone, I was scared and paranoid then I fled to My country with the hope that I will feel better soon, und the time I was still waiting for the police to contact me and had also met the women’s shelter who would help me, after a week in My country I decided to come back, I felt strong enough to fight on, the first night in the apartment I felt paranoid and scared, then I called my friend to visit, when she came we talked about my mood and decided that the best solution would be to move in with her until I give birth to my daughter.Shortly after I gave birth to my daughter I found another second-hand apartment and we moved, many years I had been waiting for a first-hand contract and then in December 2021 we actually got an apartment that we can call “Home” I usually say if you have a job and an apartment you have the foundation under your feet so you can feel safe , but today I have realized that this is not the case in my situation.
I received self custody of my daughter from day one. Her father is not in her life.
Since December 1, we have lived in our apartment but previously we lived in N… .. this is where we got a place in both night and day preschools because I work night in another municipality and now live in another municipality.
Even before we moved, I applied for a contact family at the social services because I knew as a single parent I will not have time for all the leftovers and pick-ups from preschools when I work at night. I was rejected for a contact family because they thought I could handle everything very well and they argued that I did not have strong enough reasons to have a contact family. I have tried to talk to preschools and also the principal regarding pick-ups and drop-offs, unfortunately they say that nothing can be changed regarding the times. I have to pick up my daughter 15.30 from preschool .Right now as it is I spend 3 hours of my days by leaving and picking up my daughter. I have to leave her in the morning until the day preschool to take me with her takes 40 minutes then I have to go home 30-40 minutes, at 15.30 I have to go yours again to pick her up and it takes another 40 minutes, then we go home again 40 minutes, then I will be home with her about 2 and a half hours, after that I have to go again to the night preschool 40 minutes, leave her there and go to work 30 minutes. After I have worked at night, I have 5 hours to sleep, then I have to pick up little again. I have chosen to have her at home when I am free so that we do not have to go there and back several times a day. I feel that it is very difficult physically and even my daughter is very sad and confused with all the leftovers and pick-ups. If I were to choose to work extra one night, it would not work so well either because at night preschool I have to tell them already 3 weeks before anything that deviates from my regular working hours so that they can receive my daughter.
I called the night preschool and the day school principal, they explained if I want to work during the day then it should only be weekdays and not uncomfortable working hours so that they would fit in with times when the daughter has preschool, they explained that they do not accept children at night preschool when you have just a few work shifts during inconvenient working hours for the night preschool to be re-examined once a year and it is not certain that the daughter can stay there. to work 07.00 in the morning but only those work shifts that start later in the day. I have also contacted the municipality to see if there is a place closer to home, they have recommended me to put her in line and see if there should be a place before the summer, otherwise the first possible place is from August, so I put her in line and if I get a place there in the near future then it will not be good either because if I work at night then I do not have time to pick her up when the night preschool closes, they close at 07.30 and I finish my work shift at 07.10, today the night preschool she I work with her daycare and leave her there in the morning when I work, but if I were to relocate her then I would have to pick her up myself and leave her at the daycare. I have a permanent employment of 59% I had booked time with my employer with the hope that she can relocate me so that I can work day time instead, at the meeting she said that she as an employer has no obligation to look after and help families with children, she offered me to resign or stay, she also guaranteed me references if needed and advised me to apply for a job close to home. Now I have resigned but the employer refuses to give a certificate showing that she refused to relocate me to the day and that makes the akassan shut me down for 45 days and then have I have no income except only SEK 3,000 a month from the social insurance office and can not afford to pay for an apartment for them for 45 days and can not afford anything at all except just buying diapers and food for my daughter. I signed up for the employment service and the unemployment insurance fund but understand that it will be very difficult to find something because which employer will choose the hassle and adapt my working hours to my needs? I have to leave my daughter at the daycare no earlier than 06.30 which means that I do not have time to get to work before 07.30 and that is the reason my employer could not give me a day job, most employers want you to start immediately, I can not take the risk of resigning and be without income, parental benefit I have only 70 days left at SEK 180 / day which is not even enough to be able to pay the rent, I can not keep my current workplace after August because then my daughter will start daycare behind the house where we live today, but they do not cooperate with the night preschool which means that I myself must be there max 07.30 and pick her up, but I work in another municipality and end 07.10 which makes it impossible for me to pick her up. I look for work almost every day and hope I find something, even if any of you who read this would like to hire me please write in the comments because it is not just fundraising that I am interested in finding, it is really work t as I want. I can not afford to hire a babysitter because I work 59% are single parents.
It feels like I have tried and contacted all sorts of authorities such as social services, preschools, principals, even with my employer to be able to plan with the job and Daughter’s preschools. I have also contacted the social insurance office to see if I could be a parent free longer, but if I understand correctly from them so my days are over at the higher level, I would continue to be a parent free at the lowest level then I would get only SEK 180 per day so to speak being a parent on leave also does not seem to be a solution in my situation.
I no longer know where to turn, there should be a solution in the whole thing because I am not the only parent with sole custody. I am just a mother of a daughter I dreamed of having, I work, I struggle , I have contacted all possible authorities but nothing seems to work. I have to have a job and a roof over my head to be able to take care of my daughter but when one does not go together with the other how do you do then, every night I go to bed with worry and wake up with worry and so it has been a long time, I just want to wake up and be able to rejoice in the little I have in my life, my daughter, our home and work, I feel that I have humiliated myself by asking for help to cope financially and be able to get everything I and my daughter need, I do not want to ask for more help, just want a normal life and be able to take care of my daughter who is now 1.5
I need to find a job if someone can help with this if you do not want you to support me with the collection to be able to survive the time when akassan shuts me down until they pay again or until I find a job! Thank you very much for taking the time to read through the long letter! Every penny is so appreciated and will contribute to a safer life for me and my daughter! We send you lots of love! Unfortunately, I can not post pictures with the face because we both have protected identity. With kind regards babies mother!