First, it was hard for me to decide to do this. I am a single mother of two girls. My youngest dad was who I thought would be my forever. Trouble from the start he was but I’m a lot to swallow myself with my mouth and willpower. We always bumped heads and things for some reason never seemed to just settle down. It took me two years to realize that was his intention. I tried everything to have the happy all-together family. I paid for relationship counseling for him not to show, I probably own a library on relationship books. We did daily devotionals. I even printed relationship worksheets. I loved him and was willing to try anything. I even got to the point of being submissive allowing the wrongs to be done. You see, since my daughter was a couple months old he began disappearing for a few days at a time. During this time he was unreachable and I had to wait until he popped back up to do anything about it. I was a stay-at-home mother and no license. When i ran out of diapers or formula it was either friends/family helping me out or i was packing the baby up and walking the streets of Norfolk no matter the weather to get what she needed. I would throw my fits when he got home and he would just take off again no matter how much i begged him to stay. Eventually i stopped asking him to stay knowing he would leave regardless and would beat him to the punch by telling him to go. I didnt really want him to go but in my mind at the time it lessened the blow of being left anyways and there was nothing I could do about it. Now, I am not claiming to be any saint but the amount of abuse and inhumane treatment I took from him now that I had time to realize what it was, is unbelievable that I tolerated as much as I did. I was torn if I was the cause of what he was doing to me or if he really had no right. On top of the disappearances which gradually increased from days to months, he is now on his fifth assault charge. Those also were my fault. I was a snitch. I regret it too because I believe the assault charges are what lead to the worse abuse, the mental and emotional damage. By the third assault charge I have given him more than enough right to disregard me and the kids for days and weeks. Once he felt I learned that my behavior gave him every right for his disregarding and abandoning he tried regaining his right to be physical. He mistaken my weakness for his power as it took a day of given forgiveness to be abused for me to realize calling it in was what was necessary. by this fourth one, counted as his second thanks to my lack of self confidence that I had a right to hold him accountable. I scrounged up 5000 to have a lawyer turn 3 into 1 for first offender status and a new city restarted the count and bypassed somehow the good behavior violation from another. Luck always in his corner as I scream beg plead for some understanding of the impact being done to me which impacted the children in my care. The guilt alone is something for me to battle with each new day and with each new challenge. Anyways to sum it up though I filed for child support feb. 2022 before we were even officially done. on fathers day he made his biggest disguard move by moving some girl into his grandmas with him who lost her own child and i learned from her family was willing to spread legs for anyone who would put a roof over her head and drugs in her system. What I did not understand during this time was how she was more what he desired than the mother of his own child who made my kids a priority. It makes more sense to me now with time. I can go on and on with specifics to just how horrific an experience i been through. I did not even express the amount of emotional trauma and loss of self I cope with in my moment to moment. Nor did I mention the new developing struggles of moving forward without the random days he decided to be of some benefit few and far in-between. I’m unable to trust my own judgement, I am dealing with the change of being a loyal partner for three years to being itemized down to a sex toy now outside my relationship by majority of men approaching me. I am reserved and trying to find the love i lost for myself along the way. I am savy at making ends meet but now its been nearly a year with a third continuance before child support established and I am asking for some help so I do not bury myself in a financial hole before getting any help to come out of it. Im ashamed the responsibilities of my partner have always been on my shoulders or the blessing of family and friends choosing to support my burdens. Maybe someone who can lend me a hand without feeling a hole in there pocket would be willing to help a mom on the shit end of the stick. It would be beyond appreciated. I am not only asking for money donations. I always like hearing someone elses stories or advice or opinions on narcissist abuse. I diagnosed him myself so I’m not for certain but four books read and its the only explanation i have come across that addresses the many red flags and desensitized decisions I have encountered through this time. Thank you for reading my survival story. The ending will be phenomenal when its finished.