Idk what to do anymore, and I’m not sure where to begin.
I try to be positive in life, despite so many obstacles and so many consequences resulting from poor decisions. My life is a mess.
I have been out of work since my pregnancy, where I had to be in bed rest. I eneded up being hospitalized for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy and my son was still born a few weeks early. I am beyond grateful that he’s now 2 and healthy (along with his 12 year old sister)! His father was with me, at that point we’d been together 5 years. During that time his drug abuse became worse. More so when we decided to move to FL where I could be with my family since I was pregnant and I had already been in the hospital for bleeding (thinking I’d lost him like I did my previous pregnancy)…anyway…bringing a struggling addict to Florida, the epicenter of FLAKA was a big mistake. I lost him to the drugs completely. Living with him became hell! I grew up sheltered or maybe blind to drugs and all that comes with it. I was raised by my mom, she doesnt drink, she doesnt use drugs. So I didnt know much about it. I thought it was an easy choice to pick between your family and your habit. I now know its a disease. I now know he couldn’t help it…he had tried to be sober…but in my ignorance I took each relapse as a slap to the face, as proof he didnt care about me or his son.
This was all at the beginning of the corona virus pandemic. I couldn’t believe he’d be out drugging and coming home after days of binging and just crawl in bed and be around my son, not bathing not being clean…just totally unrecognizable behavior. So I decided I had enough and I couldn’t help him, I didn’t allow him back in our home, he had no choice but to ask his family for money to move back to his home state. He took the car and his stuff. I had been speaking to his mom before he was gone, asking her and other members of his family for help. His mom never liked me…and she’s an addict herself. She said I should cut him out of my life and force him to go back home where all his family would help.
She lied. Nobody is helping him.
Its been almost 5 months, he said he’d send money but he’s been blowing it on drugs and spiraling out of control so thats not going to happen. I’m trying to put him on child support but his name isnt on my sons birth certificate, so that will be a whole different financial battle with court. My son was born too “white” looking so he thought I cheated. I gave him and my son a dna test to prove it. I am living with my mom in a room with my kids. I am doing uber to help her with some of my bills and my share of rent, but I have to use my brothers account. I cant just get a job because of the pandemic and I didnt mention I’m not a US resident. My mom brought me here at 9months old. I have saved all the money I’ve made working less than minimum wage jobs, or babysitting, anything that paid cash, i spent thousands on applications and forms and scams of legal advice to help me become a citizen. I keep getting sucked into loopholes and still nothing.
My mom is overwhelmed helping me because she is also helping my older brother who lost his job due to corona.
I just want to help her with what I can and still be able to have enough for my kids and for my own health. I have not been ok due to this and so many other stressful situations, I have really bad anxiety attacks i have other mental health problems, I cant get treatment because I don’t have insurance and I cant afford it.
I am both of my kids only parent. I need help getting better so I can better help them.
I need help saving up enough money to find a good and real lawyer who can help me with my case so I can become a citizen, get a trade and live on my own and not depend on my family.
I need all the positive vibes and blessings sent my way.