Hi all, I guess I really never imagined being at such a low time in my life. I need help desperately. I never really tried writing so please bare with me. I am not sure how to start so I will just talk about my boys. I have 3 boys. The youngest is 6 and my middle boy is 13 and the oldest is 21. They are so sweet, smart and loving. They do great in school and for the most part they are happy boys. They are my heart and it kills me not to be with them. They need me and I need them. We still have so many memories to make together. Like fishing, swimming and teaching them how to ride a 4 wheeler. Just anything we can think of learning together but I am homeless and don’t get to see them as much as I would like. I can’t afford to fix my car. I am not a lazy person it’s just been a downward spiral and I need to turn things around and I really need to know that there are still caring and generous people out there somewhere. I am a forgotten burden because I am disabled mentally and physically. I have a family that well let’s just say are not there for me and the government won’t help. I have always worked and hard. I have worked several jobs at a time. I worked on the books from the time I could get a work permit. I grew up doing hard labor. Clearing woods, doing firewood, taming wild horses, picking rocks out of potato fields and the list goes on. It was a tough childhood and full of horrible nightmares that no-one should have been put through. I made it and left that hell at 17 when I was finally strong enough to leave. I got rid of all the horrible trauma and abuse, but it’s been hard. I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe major depression and I deal with chronic pain and arthritis set in on old wounds. A few years back started my downward spiral when I had a very bad car accident. We were sitting at a tollbooth and this car came flying down the highway about 65 to 70 mph and just slammed into the back of the car. I lost so much that day just because he was texting instead of paying attention. All I knew was labor but now my back and neck are so bad it causes me very severe pain. I had friends at work help with heavy lifting. They were very nice and understanding. But now I couldn’t do my others jobs, we were cutting down trees and clearing them, I have worked in sawmills and foundries and factories and so on. I tried to do the best I could for my family. But everything got worse for me and then that day. See I am a person with a huge heart. I feel others pain through there eyes cause I know how horrible life can be. How bad things hurt in your heart and soul and now body. Because of that I try to bring happiness, love, caring, compassion and the list goes on. I try to help people in a different way like say they like drawing and maybe tattoos and just couldn’t start. When I could I would surprise them with a tattoo kit to help give them a start at something they love. I have tried hard to be a good friend and or neighbor but I never realized how mean and evil and hateful people can be. The lies, cheating, stealing and just being mean. It’s horrible some things people do or say. I finally found love and it’s unconditional and always needs someone to help teach the good and bad and also learn from them. That is my boys they still have the innocence that was stolen from me when I was very young. I raise them with understanding and teach them compassion instead of anger. I love them enough to swallow my pride and beg for help. That day at work ended my 10 year career delivering mail. I was struggling physically and mentally but I was trying to be strong for my family and that day started out like a normal day. I had to deliver a bunch of packages that day so I went up a driveway that needed a signature for the package, that was a common occurrence. They had a couple dogs they always let run loose and they would run under my vehicle no matter how slow I went I couldn’t see them, they were small dogs. I guess that day she was a little slower than usual and I felt it. It was the worst bump I ever felt. I jumped out and picked her up and she died in my hands. She had baby puppies she was nursing still. The owner was so upset but bless her heart she was trying to fight back the tears. I was devastating I felt her pain and mine. My heart hurt so bad and I knew there was nothing I could say or do to make things better. I apologized and offered to bury her but she was very understanding and said her husband would take care of it. I hugged her and asked about the puppies. She bottle fed them and they all made it, but I was done. I Finished my day. The longest hour I mean it felt like forever. That day helped lead me right into a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t go back I couldn’t do my job. I was lost and alone. I just know I don’t have enough to keep going homeless through another winter. I feel exhausted, drained, hurt and just it’s hard to explain all my pain inside and out. So I lost everything, my family, my career, our house. It’s been almost 3 years now since everything blew up for mean and I don’t want to be this low anymore. I want to try to put my life back together. I take around 13 pills a day and they have bad side affects like passing out. Yeah wierd but I just drop. It sucks but the pills help. I need them to help with my social anxiety and panic attacks and night and day mares. I am forced to deal with all my pain everyday. I also have COPD and really high blood pressure. 200 over 119 is the average, so I am high risk for stroke or heart attack. It hurts so much physically and mentally, but I need to be there for my boys.So I am trying to learn new ways to make money. I am trying to learn about small Engine Repair, it’s mostly working with my hands but I need tools and a stable place to live and work out of. I also enjoy coins so I am studying when I can, so I can also buy and sell coins. So I am going to try real hard to turn things around. I just really need a few helping hands. I am sorry if it’s to long but it’s hard to sum so much up and still have everyone understand my situation. I really need funds. I know everyone is busy and I appreciate your time and understanding. So I would be and am so very grateful if you could spare any funds to help me get my life back in some kind of order or stability for my precious boys. That is why I am begging for help. Please donate only what you can offord. Any way you could help even if you have any ideas. Thank you all very much. God Bless. Take care.If you would like to donate please use this link
https://paypal.me/GileGoods?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US