I’m unsure of what else to do, in August of 2020 I finally gained the courage I needed to leave my abusive husband. We had been together for 6 years, but I should of left after year one. It was our first Christmas together as a married couple, we were young and didn’t have any children yet. He was an alcoholic and we were living on my grandma’s property, he had way to much to drink and decided he wanted to sit outside and blare music with a 12 gauge on his lap. That was the first time he became physical, I asked him to stay inside and he turned around grabbed me by my throat and slammed me on the couch and reared back to punch me in the face, thankfully my begging must of worked, he punched to couch next to my head and spit in my face instead. That when I should of know, but being young and naive I believed when he said he wouldn’t ever hurt me again, then I believed him again, and then again. Then I got pregnant and he promised to change, promised to quit drinking, promised to try harder. I should of known, he paid no attention to the pregnancy, even got drunk and took of in the middle of the day on my due date. When the doctors decided to induce me a week later, he thought it’d be fun to get drunk in the parking lot while I was in labor. My beautiful baby girl was born and I was happy, I should of known. As soon as we got home from the hospital he made me clean the whole house and when I showed him the golf ball sized blood clots he simply said I would be fine. A few months later my dad died, he was my very best friend in life, he knew everything about me and i about him, we kept no secrets from each other and he helped support me immensely, he begged me to leave my husband even tried to get me to leave him at the alter, but I just kept believing he would change. My ex found my dad dead, he died of massive heart attack and just fell out. After that things looked like they were getting better I didn’t allow myself to give my depression and spotlight, instead I poured myself into my daughter, my marriage and my work. Unfortunately it didn’t last long. Because my ex was a construction worker, he felt his work was harder than most and especially harder then mine, after all I was just a general manager of a restaurant and a full time mother and wife. I still managed to find the energy to wake up at 5am pack his lunch, layout his clothes and shoes, make his coffee and send him off to work, get my daughter ready and packed for the babysitter, get myself ready for work, drop off my daughter, work 8+ hours, pick my daughter up, grocery shop (if needed), figure out dinner, clean the house, care for my daughter and cater to his every want and need. It’s not just the draining tasks I would have to do, that would of been easy, he was still getting drunk, calling me every name under the sun and pushing, slapping, and kicking me around. He’s lock me in rooms and take my daughter away as I could hear her scream for me. Then I got pregnant again and it was like a light switch. I was going to leave. I knew he wouldn’t change, and he confirmed it when he elbowed me in my pregnant stomach. I kissed his ass the rest of the pregnancy, I just needed to get through it, then I would save enough money to leave once and for all. It was a hard pregnancy, during which I became the general manager of a different location, longer days, more hours, and lots of broken equipment, stress after stress. I went in for a check up one morning, and received a call later that night that their was protein in my urine and I needed to be induced the next day. When I told my husband he didn’t seem to care, instead he insisted on getting drunk at my sisters, and throwing a firecracker down a storm drain. The next morning he was to hungover to go to the hospital with me and made me wait until the afternoon when he wasn’t so hungover. It was a long and complicated delivery but in the end my son was born and there was only one thing left I needed to do to feel complete, and that was to leave my alcoholic, narcissistic, abusive husband. So I began my plan, then he decided I needed to step down at work to stay home with the kids, I convinced him otherwise barely I still had to step down from my management position. Then COVID hit and I was stuck. A sitting duck if you will. We were stuck together all day everyday or so I thought, he would leave to go fishing or to the store or really wherever he pleased and I wasn’t allowed to go further then the grass outside. I had had enough, but how was I going to leave, where would I go? His family encouraged me to leave, especially his aunt. I told her I had spoke with my sister and she offered to let me rent a room, she told me to leave take it so I did, little did I know that would be the night I left. It was July 31, 2020 we were at his aunts and per usual they were all drunk, beyond drunk. My children (3 and 9mo) we in their older cousins room when it all began. My ex thought I would be funny to start tasing people, children to be exact. He started chasing some of the older kids around tasing them. When one of the fathers to these children found out he came and got his son and gave my husband way fairer of a warning then he deserved. Unfortunately, I didn’t know it at the time, but as I was busy trying to get him to stop tasing children, risking myself getting tased and the father was threatening my husband, my daughter had popped out of the room and saw these events transpire, when I went to check on my kids, as soon as I walked through the door my daughter jumped into my arms and begged me to keep her safe from her daddy. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I calmed my daughter and started my plan, it was around 1am and his aunt had him and his uncle distracted in the kitchen while I snuck my children and I out. With me and my children now safe, I raced home, loaded my car with everything I could and was at my sisters at 3:30am. Things were going good, I was on my own officially separated, I had my applied for a restraining order after my now ex husband threatened to kidnap me and my children and kill the man I was dating in front of me. Despite that, things were good for about 3 months, then because I moved in and freed up some money for my sister, she relapsed and I found her drugs on the kitchen counter. I didn’t know what to do. I was out of options, I was 2 1/2 weeks away from my restraining order court date and had no where to go. My now boyfriend wasn’t going to allow my children and i to be homeless so he took us into his 1 bedroom house, we gave the room to my children and set up our room in the living room, but it was only supposed to be temporary, life was supposed to stay on track and I was supposed to find a better job and get my own place. My court date came and I was awarded a permanent restraining order and temporary sole legal and physical custody. I had to bring my children to the police station every Sunday for visitation, little did I know my whole life was going to flip after just the first visit, when my ex dropped my children back off to me, he had me followed by his stepdad who is on parole from 15 years in prison and a very well known gang affiliate. I wouldn’t of known if it wasn’t for his friend bragged about it to someone he didn’t know knew me. Unfortunately there was nothing the cops or court would do because he wouldn’t admit to it. I was in fear for not only my life but my children’s and my innocent boyfriend who did nothing but help a single mother in need. Everything has been harder since then, I can’t get a job, I don’t have child care and I am in desperate need of my own place for me and my kids. I want to start my life, I’m tired of living in fear, it’s time to claim my life back for me and my kids! Please any help you can give is more than appreciated, I’m waiting to be approved for welfare and am 15 weeks unpaid for unemployment waiting for my interview with a specialist. I just want to get my life back on track. I want a place to call home and work I can call a job, I want my baby’s to make new friends, go to school and play like normal kids. I want to love life and show my children how to defeat the odds.