I am a mom of 3 amazing children, and I am basically being held hostage by the man I once loved.
I am 32 years old, and I met my husband when we were 15. We had our first son when we were 18, got married, and we were a normal family. (or so I thought). For the next several years we continued to build a life together. We bought a house, had 2 more kids, I had a nice car that fit the whole family, and I had worked my way up to being a district manager with a decent salary for a QSR franchise.
That’s when things in my marriage started to fall apart. My husband was starting to drink all the time and he became very mentally abusive. It happened gradually over the course of a few years, and when I just couldn’t be the only one at home trying to keep my family together anymore, I told him I wanted a divorce, so he moved out.(not a huge adjustment because he was rarely ever home before midnight by that time). After about 2 weeks he came back and told me he was sorry and he knew he had a problem, but he was going to fix everything. He said we needed a fresh start and he needed to get away from all the bad influences in his life. So he convinced me to pack up my whole life and move across the country. We didn’t have very much equity in our house, so when we moved we were back to renting. I made the best of it, found a job equal to what I had been doing before, and was settling in to our new life. That lasted about 6 months. One day out of the blue, he said he just couldn’t be there anymore. He said we were too far away from our family, and the kids needed to be closer to their cousins and grandparents. He said I shouldn’t worry because he knew what was important now and if we came home, things would still be ok with our marriage. So once again I agreed to upend my life and move back across the country.
When we got back, we stayed with family for a week or so, until he got home from work one day and told me he had found a place to rent. He had gotten a job making good money, and told me I could be a stay at home mom if I wanted to be able to spend more time focusing on the kids. A short time later, he came home with a new truck and said it was a surprise for me. He had gotten rid of our SUV and gotten the truck for me instead. I was so happy. I had my husband back, I was spending more time with my kids, and I had a new truck. Things were starting to really look great. I WAS SO WRONG!! I had absolutely no idea what was really going on and what was about to happen.
It was like a switch flipped, and all the light in my world went away. My husband had me right where he wanted me and I didn’t even know it. He quickly turned into someone I didn’t even know. The drinking came back with a vengeance, and he was horrible to me. He came home late every single night, left every weekend, and only talked to me if he was calling me names or letting me know how worthless I was. I was not going to put up with that crap again, so I decided I was going to leave him. But…..I realized I couldn’t. I had been manipulated into giving up every single resource I once had.
So now I am living in a nightmare. I gave up my job, my car, my home. I am not allowed to have my own keys to the truck, or a bank card. I am stuck in the house 90% of the time. When I have to go get food or do anything I have to beg him to use his truck and his bank card. And then he will tell me how much Im allowed to spend and he even times how long it takes me until I get back. I’m also not allowed to go anywhere by myself so I have to have at least one of the kids with me at all times. He has told me that if I leave, he will make sure he gets full custody of my kids since I have nothing to offer them and no way to take care of them right now. I do everything in my power to hide the reality of my situation from my kids, because that is not something they should have to worry about. So I carry all of my pain and fear and helplessness silently. I am trapped and I don’t know what to do. I need to be financially able to escape this situation with my kids nd not be afraid of him being able to have them taken from me for not being able to take care of them until I get back on my feet. I never though I would be in this position. I thought I was living the American dream, and I was really having everything including my freedom taken from me by a monster manipulator. Any help is appreciated more than you could ever know. I just need to get myself and my kids in a safe situation and be able to take care of them until I can find a new job. I will be having to start over with basically nothing but some clothes until Im completely out from under my husbands control and able to get back to work and get divorced. Please please, this is my last hope.