I’m a divorced mom to a 21 yr old son, 11 year old twins and 7 yr old daughters.
I’m writing as I’ve expired all my resources for guidance and financial help.
A little about my past, I ended up marrying and having children with a male who has physically abused myself and one of my daughter once, including years of emotional abuse. I was also sexually abused by my ex husband. I found it in me to seek counseling and walk out of this toxic marriage. Thankfully at just 7 years old one of my daughters was my very first voice of reason. 50,000$ later in debt, 70/80 hour work week, my children and I survived divorce with a court ordered supervised visitations for dad to see his children. In my neglect of contacting the police of prior incidents, this was a great foundation to start.
Thankfully, I found the strength to pull everything I could to pay off all my debts. Divorced, debt free … new beginning. It felt amazing.
As time went along, working crazy hours, my children were hurting, I was hurting.
My children and I have PTSD and generalized anxiety.
I had to make a decision to put my children and myself first, emotionally, mentally, physically. With this decision, my children have been able to begin to heal. After all, being a mom stuck behind a computer working 70/80 hrs a week, paycheck to paycheck, doing all I could to be everything and give everything my children needed, I learned I couldn’t juggle it all alone. It made me physically ill.
My children have benefited greatly from having me walk from my job. So much so, my daughters are okay with us being homeless if it means they get to keep the mom I am today. She expressed to me with a huge tight hug how much she now knows I love all my children. It’s a hard hit to learn after 21 years, my hustle to provide took much away from what my children were needing. They don’t have the emotional part from their dad and I certainly wasn’t able to provide that working crazy hours to just keep the lights on and put food in the fridge.
Currently, I’m unable to pay my rent. 6 months out of work has put me in a little over 16K in debt. I do get child support 24,000$ a year. It’s impossible, especially in Massachusetts to survive off this income. I’ve been on the section 8 list for three years. I’m still waiting for help. Also, the amount of affordable housing in this area is limited. My help is limited because I do get child support.
I have gotten much emotional support from my family, friends and my children’s pediatrician that despite the financial difficulties, I made the right choice for my family. I still ween back and forth on that decision as I’m unable to provide and keep a roof over our head. Shelters have limited availability and are mainly open for woman and children who have just left an abusive household.
Counseling in this area is also very limited. Either they don’t take our insurance or we are put on a long wait list. With learning this, knowing I love to sit and talk life into people, I’m looking into a career change. Passions are growing but my purpose right now is to focus on my family. I will sacrifice anything I can, to give my family someone they can lean on. Unfortunately yet fortunately, I learned I can’t have it all or do it all at once.
There’s so much we want but so much more we need. Food, shelter, oil, electric, car, gas.
I’m not someone who reaches out for help. I’m the helper. I’m the one who would give my last dollar to someone in need. It hurts my pride to just reach out and ask for help.
More than anything I thank you for taking the time to read this.