I have always prided myself on being a strong independent woman.
I am a hard-working 30 odd year old single mother to a beautiful and charismatic toddler; he is my pride and joy.
I live close to my mother and help to care for her, as she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2013.
We are a close nit family and she adores her grandson!
I am currently sitting on an embarrassing, eye watering amount of debt with nothing to show for it.
I work hard, full time and earn a good salary which is sucked into my overdraft every month. (Same for many I’m sure)
Not including my regular monthly expenditure, by debts suck up exactly 89% of my salary.
I fell behind and had to rely on loans when I was made redundant 6 months after my son was born.
I got back up and successfully found employment but a lot of damage was done by that point.
Shortly after I got back into employment my dear mother became ill, and her mobility quickly declined leaving her in and out of hospital.
Given my mother had helped to care for my son; I had to reduce my hours at work so I could then help care for them both, a lot changed very quickly.
Shortly after, my mother was registered disabled, and unable to work leaving her with un-cleared debts which I took on.
My dear mother constantly asked and worried about if I was doing okay with money, and I reassured her I was. She has no savings or means to help, so to worry her whilst she’s ill does not sit well.
However, I am no longer able to cope; I’m feeling trapped, anxious and helpless.
Today I reached the end of my overdraft and was unable to pick up groceries, which is what has brought me here. This is a scary feeling when you have dependents. Luckily tomorrow is payday so all will be okay for now.
Not only is this causing insomnia, but it is affecting my mood and in turn my parenting which makes me sad. And the fact I cannot talk about it is incredibly hard.
I feel like a failure, and ask myself everyday- “how have I worked for 15 years with minus nothing to show!” I have no idea.
I am a proud woman and have done my best to stay afloat so far but I am now officially drowning.
I have always worked above and beyond to provide for my son. Before his father left he told me I would fail as a mother and a woman. These words suck with me and I have been fighting alone to prove to myself (not him) that he is wrong. I know I can. But I admit that I need some help. Please.
As I am fortunate enough to be in employment, without the debt, I will be able to comfortably support myself, son and mum. Most importantly I can focus on raising my son and being the best mother I can be.
By no means would I expect my debt to be cleared as I am aware it is an astronomical amount but if I could put a dent in it to reduce my monthly payments or even my overdraft, it would mean I can claw back some of my salary to support my family I would be eternally grateful.
Combined loan, myself and that taken on from mum- £59250 Breakdown available needless to say.
If nothing else, it feels good to let it out / talk / write about it.
Thank you for taking the time.