Hey kind hearts… You must have some kindness to be on a site such as this and to have come across me… :)
Anyways… I have always been self sufficient. I have never needed to rely on others (for the most part). I ran my own business for 10 years, and came up slowly but surely from $10/day to 100-300$/day! I was doing great. I had a guy I THOUGHT was amazing at the time.. We were wanting to grow our family. Things were awesome…..
Till they weren’t. After several late term miscarriages (19/24/26 weeks) we finally had our miracle rainbow baby in April 2017. She was perfect. Is perfect. SO perfect I had to end a 7 year relationship with her father 9 months after she was born because of his abuse and not wanting my little girl to grow up in that situation.
Exactly one year later I did something stupid. I took him back. I had changed so much, I assumed he may have too. He didn’t. He had begged and pleaded, talked of suicide and depression. Who wouldn’t have wanted to give their child the opportunity to have two loving parents, especially when you come from a broken home yourself.
Biggest Mistake of My Life.
He had not changed. He was neglectful. And he took a thriving environment for my daughter an turned it into a negative and dangerous place full of sorrow. I had enough. I ended it after 3 months. I couldn’t allow him to ruin her life any more than he already had, he was messing with her little mind, and putting her at risk in ways I could not stand by, with no regard to my wishes on things.
I was glad to be out. We were safe, and going to be a happy little family of two again, get back to normal life without him…. Or so I thought. 3 days after we broke up, a week before my daughters second birthday, I had a knock on my door. The worst knock in the entire world. A knock that changed my life.
Cps. I had never imagined. I am not the kind of mother who loses their child to cps. No one had ever called. Even cops that had been called out to the scenes of me an her father arguing, never called cps. There was not a need. She was in wonderful care.
I did what anyone would do who just wanted them to go away. I cooperated. How stupid I was…. I let them in, answered their questions. I did the drug test, let them test her. I did everything I thought was “right” and was just wanting them out of our lives for good. Why…. Why did I have to prove to them that I was a good mom. That I had done nothing wrong…. I should have done what everyone said and told them come back with a court order, maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today.
I went to sign into work the week they had arrived, I had been disabled. So now I was not only facing a CPS case. I was unemployed from the only job I had ever known. The business I worked so hard to build over 10 years using an online platform, was ripped away in an instant. I was crushed. I now was going to lose everything, except my daughter. But how would I take care of her? I had to find a way….
I was wrong. About a month into the case I got a call that changed my life. My daughter tested positive for marijuana, and they were taking immediate action to remove her from my care. But why? I never had her exposed to that kind of substance… I never let anyone smoke around her, or had her in dangerous environments… How could this have happened. I recalled the timing of the drug test, and the three months prior. I was with her father.
How, how could he have been so neglectful, so stupid. I found out of course, he had been the one to call CPS and emailed the platform I used to work and had me disabled. There was no way to undo it (we tried).
Things quickly unraveled in my life. Obviously… I have had trouble finding work due to CPS schedule of counseling/classes… I have lost everything. I sustained the best I could for the months following the case opening, but it got to a point I have lost my home, my car is behind (and now uninsured for the first time in years), and my phone is turned off. I have opened accounts online to try and generate income best I can as an “entertainer/model”. But it is slow going. I had nothing, was being evicted and had no where to turn.
In an awful case of irony, I came to find that her father had some how managed to get himself into a rent house (the first time he has been self supported since I have known him). He got a job, and had access to a family members vehicle. I learned he recently became single, so I did what I never thought I would have to do. I called him.
I was forced into a position no one should be in. I had to rely on the person who has taken everything from me. I some how convinced him to let me move in. Begging for mercy from the person who basically shattered mine and my daughters life. While he agreed to being roommates, he has not made it easy. Days are filled with complaints of my electricity usage, food/beverage consumption, and my general lack of money.
He demanded that no one come to know I am staying with him, and his new girlfriend. He’s trying to get full custody of our daughter, even though he had no interest in visits/bonding with our daughter for the year prior to us giving it that “last shot”. I had done everything to be a stay at home working mother, and give my daughter the best shot at a great life. He never cared…. NOW he wants her!?
I am still “fighting” cps. I am going to classes, and trying the best I can to get my baby back. She is currently with her paternal grandmother (a woman who wished I was barren prior to my reoccurring pregnancy loses..). I am living a nightmare. I am dependent on a monster who took everything from me, and is trying to take my daughter permanently when he was the reason for all of this in the first place.
I try to be forgiving. I believe everything happens for a reason. I am beginning to find I have a lack of hope developing though. I can’t seem to catch a break. I have lost it all. My daughter was/is my reason for living. And I am living without her at just 2 years old…. I have already misses several months of her life now. Case is told to be open until June 2020. I don’t know how to continue on this path.
I need help. I need my own place again, and my car so I can find a “legit” job to show stability and get my daughter back. At this rate I am going to lose her. He has intentions of getting custody, but that being said I don’t believe he would get her without my help anyways…. Which brings 2 options. Her grandmother who had nothing to do with her the first 2 years she was alive, and all a sudden “stepped up to HELP” when the case opened, or adoption. I don’t know what they would choose.
I can’t fathom the idea of either of those. They just ARE NOT OPTIONS. They can’t be. So that brings me here. Pleading. Desperate. Looking for some kind heart that was curious enough to read my “book”, and also have the presence in their heart (and wallet) to help in my situation. I don’t know what else to do. I have been continuing to apply to jobs, but no such luck. Not sure if its that I ran my own business for 10 years and they just don’t believe me? Or if it’s my schedule conflicts causing the rejections. But somethings gotta give.
I can NOT continue to rely on the one person in this world who let me down more than anyone and literally broke me into a millions pieces with his lack of thinking and irrational decisions/actions. I have nowhere else to go though. Nothing else to do that will be sufficient to gain custody of my baby girl again. So please. Anything. $20. It doesn’t matter. At this point ANYTHING will help to get me out of this horrible hell of irony and desperation.
I don’t know what else to do. So PLEASE. If you’ve ever lost a child, or dealt with a monster in law… on top of dealing with an abusive, narcissistic and sadistic father of your child, you MIGHT be able to recognize the unfortunate situation I am fighting to survive. Do whatever you can spare… Pray… Whatever you can offer is greatly accepted. I need hope. I need help. I need my miracle rainbow baby back in my arms every night.. I can’t imagine going on without her.
Thanks so much for the time taken to read my story… and if you do choose to help, I hope that Karma grants you with your biggest desires and wants from this lifetime… I just NEED my baby back. I need our life back. I don’t know how life can be so cruel as to punish someone who always tried to help others, always tried to live with high morals, and do the right things…. I just don’t get it.