Hi, I’m Jess. I’m 29 years old and currently 32 weeks pregnant. I live alone with my dog, Sugar. She’s my rock and just about the only support I have. This pregnancy has been quite the journey and not what I would have ever expected or wanted it to go like. At first I decided I was going to get an abortion because I’m not in the right place financially or mentally for a child right now. I also knew that the father wanted no parts in keeping it and he basically refused to acknowledge that I was pregnant or come around more than a handful of times ever since our first conversation where he told me not to have it. Well, after 10+ cancelled appointments to have the procedure done (for reasons out of my control), and even making it all the way to DC, sitting in the clinic for 6 hours straight all by myself, filling out paperwork and talking with nurse after nurse trying to make sure this was what I wanted, to even being on the operating table and minutes away from them starting the procedure- the doctor refused to go forward. I could not stop sobbing crying to save my life and would not remove my hands from my stomach. I just couldn’t bring myself to let go, and she couldn’t allow herself to proceed under these circumstances, because it just didn’t feel right, and she didn’t think this was something I truly wanted or would be able to handle. So I packed my stuff, left DC, came back home, and was faced with being thrown right back into a deep, dark depression.
When I say dark, I mean literally and figuratively, because my power was out due to my landlord cancelling the service. This was obviously surprising, and has become a huge inconvenience, being that it’s been over 2 weeks now that I’ve been toughing it out, and making due with battery operated lanterns, string lights, candles, a styrofoam cooler, and a lot of Uber eats. I did in fact try to get the power cut back on, of course, but that’s where the heart of my problem lies, and is the main reason I’m here asking for help and hoping for the best.
So, I moved into this apartment in May, and was subleasing from a “friend” of mine. Everything went great for the first two months until suddenly on August 10th, I woke up with a strange man in my living room and my dog going ballistic. Turns out, this man was not so strange, and was just as startled and confused to see me, because he was under the impression that the apartment was vacant, and was there to change the locks. The so called friend of mine had apparently broken his freshly renewed 1 year lease with the leasing office, and had told them the place was empty, all without mentioning it to me or explaining why.
So this landlord told me he would be nice and instead of kicking me out that very day, he would let me have a month, so long as I paid him a full months rent. If I wanted to stay any longer, I’d have to fill out an application, get approved, and sign a lease. I told him how I recently became unemployed due to the family that I worked for not having a need for me anymore (I was a nanny for a little boy, who’s dad ended up moving in with his stay at home girlfriend) and that I wasn’t sure if I would qualify to sign the lease. He told me he was sorry but that if I didnt have current paystubs, or bank statements showing that I have a steady income, that my only other option would be to sign a 3 or 6 month lease, and to pay all of it up front.
So of course I panicked, because when him and I had this conversation, I was still in the middle of scheduling these appointments and trying to figure out how to get to them, which put my job searching on hold, and slowed me down entirely.
I was also hit with another MAJOR curveball when two days after meeting the landlord and having that conversation, I got some of the most devastating news I’ve ever received.
I was at the doctor getting an ultrasound done for the upcoming procedure to check how far along I was. It was a brief appointment, and I was told I would have to go out of town to DC if I wanted to have it done, because I was too far along. So that was a game changer and fairly upsetting.. but nowhere near as painful as what I was about to find out.
So I call my little brother (not blood related, but the closest thing to family I have, and my very closest best friend) with tears rolling, ready for him to pick me up like we had planned. His phone just rings and goes to voicemail, he doesn’t respond to my texts, and I’m sitting there for quite some time before I call another time and his phone is off, so I just call another ride. I don’t think too much of it and figured he got distracted, something came up, or that he would end up calling me right back. I get home and call him again, and this time a random girl answers and tell me he’s in the hospital and that he overdosed. My heart sank in my my stomach and I asked if his mom was there. See, he’s diabetic and is in and out of the hospital a lot, and has suffered through his addiction for many years, so as sad as it is to say, this is not the first time we’ve been through this with him, and because I know how strong he is and how much he’s been through previously, my mind naturally just assumed that he was okay. When she told me his mom was there, I didn’t jump immediately to go find him like I normally would do, because I knew he had her with him and wasn’t alone. Typically if she wasn’t there, I’d rush to get to him, because I knew nobody else would be there and didn’t want him alone. But I figured he was in good hands and I’d give them some time before I checked on him and kind of brushed it off (as horrible as that sounds). It didn’t even occur to me that when he overdosed that he wasn’t going to make it. I didn’t want to even process that thought, because Dylan always makes it. He always gets through some of the most unbearable and lengthy hospital visits, for all types of health issues. But he always makes it. This time was different, and this time Dylan didn’t pull through, but instead was pulled up to heaven where he’s now at peace and not living every day in pain and suffering. Having lost him was a major setback to figuring out how to get on the lease and how to get to the procedure, and caused a lot more depression and lack of motivation on my end. It’s still a huge impact on my day to day life and something I’m really struggling with coping with. It’s also part of the reason I made the decision to keep this baby, and something that stood out to me from the moment it happened…. I just don’t find it but so much of a coincidence that at the exact moments I’m in a doctors office looking at this new life inside of me, that’s ultimately waiting to be born, those were also the exact moments Dylan’s life on earth was coming to an end. I’m not always one to believe in “signs”, but I feel as though many of the things that have occured throughout this pregnancy were not ironic, and were more significant than they may seem at first glance. The fact I wasn’t able to make it to any of my appointments for over 2 months in a row, due to things I had absolutely no control over, and then when I do make it to one, I end up being denied and sent home… Just seems almost like there’s a reason I haven’t been able to have it done, and a reason I’m still sitting here the size of a hot air balloon with a little kickboxer inside of me punching and kicking 24/7. But hey, that’s just my opinion, who really knows what the reasoning is behind things other than God? All I know is everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reasons are unknown, but they lead us where we’re supposed to go, one way or another.
But anyways, back to the story –
I ended up paying the landlord for the month like he requested, but another month and a half passed after that, where there was no communication between us. Typically I would never find it appropriate to just linger around and not reach out to the landlord, but if I’m being entirely honest- I just didn’t know what to do, or where to go, or even the slightest clue how to solve this. Needless to say, I was on the edge of my seat every day, in fear of him showing up and kicking me out. My anxiety has been astronomical and every bit of physically and mentally draining. I’ve never felt as lost and helpless as I do right now. I’ve been through some very traumatizing and difficult things in my life- more than the average human has, for sure…but nothing has been as conflicting and frightening, and heart wrenching as these past 7 months have been.
Well, now that I’m having the baby, and have just started looking for a job within my means, I just got a 5 day eviction notice, saying that if I don’t pay the past due two months rent that I will get a formal eviction of 30 days delivered. This is beyond terrifying and the last thing I want or need is to lose my home, especially when I could be having this baby literally any day now, and have no family or support of any kind, no one to turn to for a place to stay, for financial help, or even moral support and advice. I’ve tried reaching out to social services and some rent assistance programs, and have been unable to get in touch with social services directly. I just keep getting forwarded to 311 who only give me a confirmation number and tell me that social services will be in touch, but that that’s the best they can do. The rental assistance programs would be willing to help, under the condition that I’m already on a lease somewhere…not attempting to get on one..
I’m so lost. I’m so depressed. I’m so scared as to whats to come. As of Monday, Oct. 17th, it will be five days since the notice was posted on my door giving me 5 days to pay the past due balance of $1,817.80. The worst part is that I’m not even sure that paying that will ensure that I am able to stay here, because at that point, I’ve paid my debt, but still have no proof of income or enough money to cover a 3 month lease.
So I’m searching for all of the help I can get, in order to pay this rent that I owe, plus the next 2 months (I have saved up enough for 1 of the 3 months) in order to allow me to sign this lease and have the security I need in order to focus on getting prepared for this baby (since I’ve yet to do so, with this being such a new decision) and to focus on finding any type of job and not to spend my time scrambling looking for help and advice as to how to save my apartment. Because I’ve come up with nothing so far, and this is honestly the last resort and only thing I could come up with that might have even the slightest chance of making a difference. Other than that, if this doesn’t work out, then I will be suffering the consequences of my oh-so- unorganized and unfortunate current lifestyle, and faced with an even more upsetting and unbearable reality come Monday morning. I’m praying to God that a miracle happens and that this can be avoided, and that the only little bit of stability I have left as of right now doesn’t get taken from me. Im hoping to find a light at the end of this tunnel (literally and figuratively, again) and to start this new journey with this precious new life in a safe and secure environment, that isn’t full of stress and worrying and having to move here and there, with no place for us to call home. This child deserves the best, and I’ve already got a lot of time to make up for not giving it the planning, preparation, and attention that it needs. So please, if there’s any help financially, or even any advice or resources anyone has that could offer immediate help with this situation, it would be more than appreciated from the bottom of my heart. I’d even be more than willing to accept a loan, and not just a donation. I would surely find a way to pay it back over time, and if I could get approved for a loan from a bank, I would have already gone that route. Unfortunately I don’t have the best credit, or more so just not much credit at all, and that isn’t in my options. I truly hate to ask for help to begin with, and have always been a very independent person who enjoys being able to fend for myself, as well as give to others. But sometimes, the harsh reality is that we have no choice but to reach out when we need a hand. Thank you for your attention to this matter, and for anything you may be able to contribute to helping us out. Us 3 girls are beyond grateful for any support and guidance as we start a very long, but very rewarding journey together! Oh, and yes, I’m having a baby girl! Sugar will now have a little sister, and regardless of our situation, there will be unconditional love and an unbreakable bond between us that will get us through anything we encounter. We’ve also got a pretty awesome guardian angel now that will have our back and watch over us, just as he would have if he were still on earth. Thanks again, and God bless. We wish everyone lots of love, light, peace and happiness!
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