So hard to know where to start and I feel ashamed to be on this site.
I don’t know whether to start at the end of the beginning.
As of today, I am GBP20,000 in debt. I left my toxic and emotionally abusive marriage 5 years ago. I used to be an out-going, fun loving person, but my husband destroyed my confidence so much so that I would spend hours daily googling suicide and what effect it would have on my children to live with that legacy.
I have up my successful career when my premature twins were born as they had a lot of health problems, and slowly lost my identity and my confidence to a very controlling husband.
Finally when my twins were 12, I found the confidence to leave. I moved into a flat, and had 50/50 custody of my children, but I live in a county that requires me to have sponsorship. I found a job, and aged 45, started at the bottom and within a year was promoted. I have a good job, but do not earn enough money to support me and my 2 children. I do not receive alimony, or support from my ex husband, but I did get the money for half of our marital home and bought a flat which I rent out to top up my salary and care for my children.
Since buying the flat I have had disaster after disaster and have not only not revived rent but had to pay endless bills for damage, sewage leaks.
I have never had a credit card before, but in the end couldn’t pay my bills, so took out a card. Everything is spiralling out of control, and I have been hit by debilitating depression. I am off work on sick leave for my mental health and feel like I need support. I have health insurance as healthcare where I live is not free, but it doesn’t cover my mental health care. I need to go to the doctor next week, but if I go, I leave no money for food or bills. I am trapped in a rental contract that I can’t get out of until May 2022 (the country I live in has strict laws.
I took a loan to consolidate my credit card debt and was then fined nearly £1000 to cancel the cards, and then yesterday was hit with an £1800 bill for issues in my flat that I rent out and still owe £1000 in a service charge that I haven’t been able to pay, and am now being fined late fees. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I just cannot get on top of my financial debt.
On the surface I have a good life, but I am drowning in debt and I can’t see a way out. If I earned my regular salary I would be ok – not quite comfortable, but ok. But with the debt, loans and now my ex husband, not only not supporting me but instead asking me for money, I am at breaking point. I have become so overwhelmed and depressed that I can’t work, and have been signed off sick by the doctor – if I take more time off work, I will be on unpaid sick leave. I just don’t know how to get through today or tomorrow. My financial debt is crippling and every time I take a step to fix it I am hit by another tidal wave.
If anyone can help in any way, I would be incredibly grateful. I feel ashamed to be on this site, but am hoping for some kindness for my kids and me. I am a generous person and have raised money for charity over the years many times, and will always help those in need. Right now I am relying on the kindness of friends, but feel so indebted and can’t accept anything more, however desperate I am.
Thank you for reading and thank you for helping.