On January 11, 2021 the life I knew spiraled completely out of control in a single moment. The man I loved most of my life committed suicide. Since he was struggling emotionally, I had been staying at a friends rental property. The home we lived in was his home for years before I moved in. We remodeled this house, we both contributed to the upkeep and furnishings. However, the week of his death his daughter moved into the house. She would not allow me to take anything from the house. I was in shock from the loss and didn’t want to argue and struggle over possessions. The couch wasn’t important. The memories of us watching movies on the couch were important. With that being said, I had to buy a house on the fly, replace every thing you need to have in a house. All I had with me were clothes. This was a significant expense. It turns out some possessions are necessary. The house I bought was a small fixer-upper that would make a great rental property. My plan was to keep myself busy fixing up my house to help me deal with my overwhelming loss. Needless to say, my budget was starting to tighten.
In April 2021 my great-nephew was born. My niece was a 19 year old that lived with her mother. She had never had a job longer than a few weeks and had no future plan. She also suffered from severe epileptic seizures. Two months after his birth, I had my niece and my new nephew visit me. When he grabbed my finger for the first time I knew he would be my son. My niece was not the primary care giver. My sister was taking care of him. I began getting him on weekends through the summer. I quickly realized these two were not willing to dedicate themselves to this baby boy 100 percent of the time. I realized that the relief I provided by getting him so often was that I was enabling their bad behavior. My sister was leaving him alone with my epileptic niece that had two severe seizures on top of him. I started to get worried about his safety. My sister and my niece would argue about who would stay home with him on weekends. The weekends I didn’t get him, he was sent to his great grandmothers house. Watching this happen was making me sick. Some of the methods of caring for him caused me to question so many things with his home situation. He was not being neglected, really. His health was not being neglected. He wasn’t their priority. They looked for every convenient thing they could find to care for him. Including giving him a dedicated ipad at 2 months old.
September 2021- My guy was 5 months old. My sister and my niece were at a crossroads. My niece wanted my sister to raise her baby boy and my sister did not want to do that. I stepped up and offered to adopt him. I made it clear this would still need to be a family effort. They would need to help me and spend time with him. On October 11 my niece and I signed adoption papers so I could raise him. I only wanted to take care of him and allow him to grow up without chaos so he could be exactly who he is meant to be. He is EVERYTHING to me.
After 3 weeks, my sister started imagining I was keeping him from her. The reality was I needed to go away for a couple of days for work. I asked my mom to watch him. My sister, who is a living breathing narcissist, became enraged that I did not ask her. I did not ask her because she had to work and he would need to be with my niece who had 2 seizures on top of him already. I explained this to my sister. My sister explained that I would not make any decisions about him without consulting her. A few days later she hired a lawyer to gain visitation two weekends a month. During this time she did not ask about him. She did not ask to see him, if he was growing. She did not ask anything. She did threaten me daily with a contested adoption. She said she have my niece change her mind, take him from me, and give him to her. I was beside myself. NONE of this made any sense. I asked her to be patient. I asked her to calm down while we all adjusted. She did not.
November 2021 My sister demanded my niece agree to contesting our adoption. My niece refused. My niece was kicked out of her home, her cell phone, was turned off, and my sister threatened to cancel my epileptic niece’s health insurance. My niece stayed with me many 4 weeks off and on. She was completely comfortable with the decision she made. In December, my sister convinced my niece to come home. Once, that happen, my sister’s lawyer became my niece’s lawyer and the case became a contested adoption.
I had to retain the best lawyer I could, I could not imagine losing my new son. Contested adoptions are so expensive. My budget was incredibly tight now that I added a child. I was making it though. I had to pay 26,000 in legal fees on top of taking on the extra expense of a child. All of this was within moments of replacing my belongings and home. I have a great job. I have worked for my company for 20 years. I make enough money to support us. I just don’t make enough money to come out of pocket for a new house, new belongings, new baby expenses and massive amounts of legal fees.
In August we settled this case because I couldn’t afford to go to trial. I couldn’t afford expert witnesses or an additional 100,000. My sister was actually the one to request the settlement. The settlement was that she get visitation one weekend a month and Madison would drop the contest. Now, I am just waiting on a date to finalize the adoption. I need help getting my finances caught up and out of crises. I am behind and I can’t lose my home, my child’s home. I can’t afford to move away, although I would to prevent my sister’s visitation. I have tried resolving this myself, but I absolutely have no way to make extra income since I have a very full time job. I can’t sacrifice my time with my child after he has been through so many changes this year. We actually survived our first year, almost. Our together anniversary is Oct. 11.
I hope someone out there sees this and is moved to help us in some way.
(I also attempt to keep everything about him off of social media to protect his privacy)
https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/mertutor1