I’m not going to lie, I lived the first 25 years of my life very impulsively. I had a rough childhood. Growing up in institutions, getting acclimated to how violence and respect brought easy money and women. I met Sam when I was 27 and that stopped me with the ladies pretty much, but the violence where in from never ended. If you could deal with it you’d be OK but if you could use it then you could succeed. By 29 I was getting tired of going in and out the correctional system. At 30 we had our first kid. Still I’m a slow learner. At 32, kid number 2. And 33 just like that number 3. The stress of kids plus me coming and going from jail was making things hard between me and Sam so when I got out at 34 I promised her my life of easy money and violence was over. Man trying to go to a regular job after doing whatever you wanted for that long was….. near impossible. But I tried. At 36 we had our fourth kid and opened a small restaurant, Sam was a terrific cook and I was good with money and had a lot of connections. For a year it seemed like life was gonna be OK. Then Covid hit. Covid killed the restaurant. But Sam was a nurse so we managed and I did part time construction or general labor. A year ago we found out Sam had cancer. It was ugly all the way around. 4 months ago she died. I’m lost with 4 kids. We didn’t have anything set up. We rented. We didn’t Save much. I own my car thankfully, but it’s nothing special. I need help! I think I’m going to try to go to school, I believe that’s the only way I can support us is with a degree so I can actually make a salary and not a paycheck. But I need to get stable housing before then. During the cancer it was a sh*tshow and we/I let alot of things get behind. Honestly I don’t even know how/what/where to begin to try to get help but someone told me to try here so here I am. I need money for the kids, for bills, still owe for Parr of the funeral. Could use money for tuition. Addy the youngest needs braces. I’m still trying to figure out getting help from the state to but they’re not very forthcoming. I love her, or loved, but part of me deep down has hate that I’m left with all this and don’t know what to do-where to start-how to go on. So if anyone out there can share a blessing…. I don’t have words to thank you or express how appreciative I’d be! Honestly I probably don’t deserve the help with the life I’ve lived, but the kids are innocent. They don’t deserve what they’ve been through. So literally anything helps. Thank you
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