I’m a wife and mother of an almost 3 year old. My family needs $300 by September 2nd to have a place to stay.
If you’re curious, here’s my backstory & current situation.
I had my son in 2016, a beautiful baby boy, and he saved me. Among countless lessons, I learned how to care for myself by caring for him and how to nurture from feeding. I felt like a super mom. Though I was proud, I had baby blues. I felt like I couldn’t do it all and became discouraged more than I wanted.
Trying to be bigger than myself, I went to the doctor and got diagnosed with Post Partum Depresssion. I went home with medicine and a “can do” attitude. What I didn’t expect, a few days later, was being kicked into mania and then psychosis. Hospitalized, I couldn’t see my son, could no longer nurse because of antipsychotics and mood stabilizers. I wasn’t a super mom anymore. I was in the psyc ward, pouring milk down the drain because it was no longer safe for my son. My world was turned upside down and I wasn’t even lucid enough to understand what was happening. I was diagnosed with Bipolar-type 1 & like clockwork, I was having manic breaks every few months consisting of grandiose thinking, delusions, getting “messages” from the tv, radio, license plates, toys in our home, and having simply uncontrollable racing thoughts – often only making sense to me. My now husband was so strong. He worked throughout, visited when I was sick, and made sure I was okay – all while taking care of our son. Never truly resting.
Then ICE came. *knock knock* “Is *** ***** home?” Next he was on his knees, cuffed, and dragged away. They gave no identification, no explanation – he was just cuffed and gone.
After calling jail after jail trying to find my husband and work the hell of what and where immigration is, we found him. He was being held over an hour away, just being told he was illegal and needed to sit before an immigration judge. He had a green card, his mother is a citizen, he’s lived here his whole adolescent and adult life. No one understood, but he couldn’t come home.
At this point, I’m stable, but I’ve been going through cycles of psychosis, and my largest support system, my child’s father – is suddenly gone.
This whole time, we’ve been going through financial crisis, but were given understanding from our landlord, who couldn’t be more patient. We both worked throughout, but many times it was one income due to my absence, then his.
After everything with my mental health, this seemed unreal. I was truly considering the possibility of moving to another country if he were to get deported, so our lawyer helped arrange for us to marry – then no matter what, we’d find a way & we were in it together. I bought a $30 white dress, and drove to meet my fiancé. He was in shackles (irony) and an orange jumpsuit. My husband read vows that made me cry and we got married with our son and close family near.
Months, multiple court dates, and an expensive lawyer later, my husband was home and we were a family again – not just voices over the phone.
I was only in the hospital twice after that.
My last hospitalization was November 2018 & things have been relatively stable since then. We were making plans to move next spring, but life had another idea. We’ve been on a month to month lease for 4 years & we got our 60 day notice to move out August 1st. Our landlord said he’d forgive our debt if we could be out by September. It wasn’t ideal, but it was a big break- I thought we could do it. We. Always. Do it. But, I’m at a loss. We have roughly $1500 of the $1800 we need for first month’s rent and a security deposit. Some of this is already borrowed money & I don’t know who else to ask.
I’ve haven’t known what to do for the last 24hrs & have considered begging on the streets, old school.
The first part of my post is edited from a note I wrote a few months ago. I’ve never shared it, but I wanted to today. I feel tremendous guilt knowing a majority of our constant financial struggle & inability to get through this unexpected change is because of my mental illness.
This may be an overshare, but maybe it’ll help me move forward.
Thank you for considering to help.