I am a new mum, based in the UK. My partner and I don’t have great wages but we get by. I’m currently on maternity leave though, so it’s a bit of a struggle.
We’re due to move house in a few months, we can’t stay here any longer. Since moving in we’ve had numerous problems with bugs, mice, mould, and crappy windows that make it freezing in winter even with the heating on. Our contract ends during my maternity leave and we need to move then instead of extending.
I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life, after a lifetime of abuse. I have no family around to support me. My partners family all live at least a 2 hour car journey away. I love being a mum, but since he’s gone back to work, I’ve struggled. I struggle to be alone with the baby all day. I’m isolated, I don’t drive or have friends available. I breast feed so public transport is a bit of a no go unless I can find time to express enough milk into a bottle in between the baby and trying to stay on top of chores.
Every day I slip deeper and deeper into a depressed and anxious pit. My only salvation right now, is convincing myself to hang on until we move and if it isn’t better by then, then it’s ok to end my life. I hate that the only thing keeping me going is this.
I’ve been ill from anxiety and stress, I’m constantly exhausted. My partner has no more holidays left due to issues during pregnancy. He only had 2 weeks paternity pay. He works shifts currently, so some nights he won’t be home till gone midnight. Those days I dread the most. He’s looking for a new job with better hours, but he’s not having much luck.
When he’s home, he’s the best. He helps out, he supports us, and I just wish he could be here all the time. At least for a few weeks until the baby is a bit older and more settled, and I’ve had a breather. So I guess that’s why I’m trying to find money, some how. We can’t afford him to be off work, and I don’t think I can cope much longer as I am. Between financial stress, baby stress, mental health, lack of sleep, no support, everything is such a mess. My request is for money to help in this time, so that if we got enough he could take some time from work. Maybe even just drop down his hours.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.