Ik how this seem im just desperate I posted other places no one want to read it I don’t blame them but I got another chance so I’m not going to give up as easy I don’t have no family to go to for help so I have to resort to strangers. again sorry but if u have any advice/help for me It would gladly be appreciated i just don’t know what to do anymore now
I made a incredibly big mistake i been depressed all my life just was a bad childhood. I took therapy on for it in high cause I having unhealthy thoughts u can probably guess the thoughts. Pretty much all the therapist said fine what make u happy and get it. I thought I probably just need more money and a boyfriend maybe that make me so that what I did pretty much for the next 6 years I was forced on that. U would think good news cause i did finally achieve what I thought I wanted I wasn’t rich but money wasn’t a stressful thing in my life and I had friends and a bf but nothing changed still felt un happy I had no desire to be here still. Its sounds dumb but I thought maybe death would be better i can just feel normal and happy for a change and not have to put on a fake smile and a happy personality for everyone while holding back all this pain in side. To me death sounded like a weight will get lifted from me and all that did make me want to do it more. So my mine was pretty made up I decided to do one of the most stupid decisions I can do and waste all my money before I leave you know not like ima need it when I’m going and I stop making payments on my mortgage and all bills cause why waste money on that I’m bout to leave. When it was time I tried take 80 pills I thought 80pills of w/e should do the job all it made me sick for a few days. I had a back up plan I thought turning my car on and using the exhaust fumes from the exhaust “carbon monoxide to do the job. So I connected the end of the exhaust to my dryer metal foil tub that used on the back of your dryer. I had one end on the exhaust and the other end in this very small room trapping the air in fumes with me and went to sleep. Woke back up car still running and felt Hella sick. I had a back up plan if that didn’t work and that’s hanging and I try that. Everything seem like it was working I passed out and woke up on the ground somehow something came untide when I was pass out. I’m not sure I’m incredibly lucky or incredibly unlucky I’m still here but in large amount of debt with no job and I’m still pretty young 22 so places don’t hire for alot without experience so atm im pretty fu*ed. Mainly only texted all this to see if there any kind soles out there that can spare a few dollars to help me out ik its completely my fault and everything not making excuse but ik do i got myself i a mess I need help to get out off or ima loss everything at this rate. Let say when I said I’m spend all the money I even took out loans to have more money lol I fucked up. The other reason I texted this in hope if there someone in my mind set to stop them from doing after trying to kill myself so many times I realize I have no interest in doing it again living is the way to go u may think it what u want but its a good chance it’s not. For the people that want to help even literally a dollar would help just trying to climb out this whole the faster the better if u know anything about interest rate u know why it so hard nearly impossible to climb out with a normal full time job my cash app is if want to help $xdynasty1