To whom it may concern,
My name is Madison. I am a junior in university and my dream is to one-day study plants. All my life I have been struggling with my severe depression and anxiety, and now a new diagnosis of PTSD after suffering sexual grooming from my biological father (until I was 16 and was able to decide to leave), being sexually assaulted at 13 by an older male cousin and again being sexually harassed and finally assaulted my senior year of high school. I have struggled with suicide since my first attempt when I was 12. For so long, I wanted to cease living as I could only feel guilt and blamed myself for everything that has happened to me. However, finally, I am on the perfect combination of psychiatric medications and I have a wonderful therapist and I am moving forward in my treatment. This brings me to why I am here now, asking for your help. My mother is a narcissist and has complete control of my life and I have become codependent. I have always felt like a side character, who was only here to help everyone else achieve their goals at the sacrifice of my needs. I do whatever my mother tells me, as I fear what she may do if I do not. Yet, no matter what I do, it is never good enough. I very recently came forward about my assault when I was 13, and my mother immediately took over and made it her “assault” going as far to tell my whole family without consulting me first, and talking to the detective without my knowing. I have come to realize I am in a toxic relationship with my mother and it always leads into a never-ending cycle of guilt. My therapist, as well as many friends, no longer want to see me rotting away like this and recommended I should move out. I agree, but I work part-time and attend a university in a large city and finding an affordable apartment is difficult. I am asking only for money to get me out and start this new chapter. I appreciate anything anyone is able to give.
I want to become my own individual and do things for myself for once.