It is not possible to write my life from the past without writing a book.
I had a good life, until about a bit more than 5 years ago. All of this has started after I stopped getting paid at my job (after years still in court). Bills started pulling up, lost everything, had to close my own company, moved cities and continued to live off small paychecks.. there were a lot of times when I couldn’t buy pads for menstruation, let alone something else. Then a small gig shows up, can pay 2 weeks accommodation and food. And then same circle again. I can’t count how many times I’ve been homeless, sleeping on friends couches, friends of friends couches. If it wasn’t for my friends I would have never made it to here.
I work freelance or part-time and I would like to get a steady job. Basically a dream, after being my own boss for years while working for another company too. I was a hard worker.
I have sold all my clothes and belongings years ago. Have some medical issues but nothing too serious (diabetes, PCOS) but my medical bills are what keep me from not being able to save money.
My life consist of looking for jobs, spending what I got on food and going to doctors. Build up stress makes me go back to emergencies all the time after years of not being able to provide food or shelter. It goes up for a week or two and again same circle.
I’ve been through a lot and I spend my days helping my friends get back up on their feet but I can’t seem to help myself. At this point I don’t know if I am strong for pushing on or just delusional.
I don’t believe money comes just like this without working but I’ve hit the limit.
All I want is a chance to pay my bills, get a new place that I can call my home (in October is 3 years of not having my own place). It’s also hard to keep one job when you need to move a lot.
Healthy food is top 3 on my list of wishes as it’s just not possible to pay for any food for years.
Everyone says this is starting life from a 0. But it’s not when you can’t get to 0.
I am just trying to brake the circle, sleep in my own place and start a new life.
I do believe life is teaching me some important (yet very expensive lessons) and that’s the only reason I am still pushing. I don’t have a steady job, income, food or a house but I am grateful that I learned some lessons, become wiser maybe, have more compassion for people and I have definitely stopped judging people (which I wasn’t aware of that I was doing) cause you can’t ever know what someone is going through. And I become the master or DIY, from cooking to making my own clothes to pretending online to my worried parents that I am ok. And I know I will be with a bit of luck.
P.S. The only thing that I didn’t lose in this whole mess is my humor, in fact I became a walking irony of life.
Thank you for reading this far.
If you leave a donation, I would like to have a way to contact back once I am up on my feet again.