I’m an older man, somewhat broken down, back problems and such, down but not out yet. In large measure I ended up where I am because I was that unattractive person people sabotaged to get rid of. Over and over this has repeated. It got to the point where once someone tried to open the door for me, I couldn’t walk through, knowing there’s always someone on the other side just waiting to trip me up, push me down the stairs, or erase my name where credit should be due.
Understanding this, my mother made a deal with me, that she would pay my bills for me as long as she was alive, in exchange for being caretaker for her and my father in their old age. I agreed, and spent ten years doing just that, mostly on my own. Help was needed near the end, and they both passed on in a care facility, my mother last, in 2017. I might have done better since then had my father not bullied her into changing her will after she’d had a stroke. It also hasn’t helped that I’m still having to deal with the negative scripts planted in my head by my father, early on. At least I’ve become consciously aware of them. If I could afford a hypnotherapist I’d consider that.
I never had the know-how to get an independent business going, nor the right idea, and certainly nothing in the way of funding for something like that. I’ve made a bit with cryptos, but I’m living upside down at the moment, paying rent with a credit card. I currently owe just under $10,000. Rent here is $1250 but at least that’s with utilities included, and that comes to $15000 for the year.
It was my dream, and my mother’s, that I end up able to buy a business that takes care of me well enough to live without worry and see the world a bit, maybe keep a pet, too (so I might live longer). I guess fate will decide that one in time.
It’s embarrassing to have to write this. It feels like I failed at life. Maybe, though, with a bit of luck I can start again with a new outlook. I may have covered too many categories here but they all go together. This is my life. I hope someone can help.