After 20+ years with a narcissist, I finally came to my senses and got out. He was the one who wouldn’t admit that there was something wrong. I am broken and rebuilding myself from scratch.
I finally realized he was never going to change. I broke free with my life and my cat. I have so much trauma and chronic illness that I can’t work right now. I’m working through therapy to get my autonomy and my life back. I can’t pay the bills. I moved 600+ miles to begin a new life and to be near family. It’s expensive here in this new state. I am trying to get my mental and physical health back. It’s harder than I imagined but I am stronger than I imagined.
The narcissistic abuse is so obvious in hindsight. The trauma has taken its toll on my mental and physical health. The anxiety, fear, depression and more have slowly taken away my freedom. I thought it would get better once I was away from him. I was wrong. The further away the marriage gets, the worse I feel. I was constantly in fight or flight. Now I am in constant freeze mode. I can’t leave my home without high anxiety and panic unless I am going to meet my sister or go to her house. I know what I need to do to get work or continue my education but I freeze. I can’t make decisions without panicking. I need help with paying bills like rent, electric, cell phone bill, medical bills, car payment and more. Just buying food is a struggle right now. Please help.
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