Hi to whomever reading this. I need help and I need it bad. If you’re reading this grab a tissue and get comfortable because my life is chaos. I’ve been going through stuff since I was 2 years old. I was taken from my mom because she left me home alone and cps got involved. I ended up staying with my dad which my stepmom didn’t like me because her and my mom is cousins. I was beaten by my step sisters used to jump me (I have 5) and my dad used to come home ask me why my lip was busted or why I have a knot on my head. I was so terrified to tell him what was going on because i knew he would be gone 30 mins later my dad was doing illegal things so i knew the moment he stepped out the door if I told they was going to jump me again. I know right sounds like a Cinderella story but this is what I was living in. This went on for years and when I say years I literally mean years. I was raped by my first cousin at 5 years old I kept saying molest until I got older and any type of penetration is raped. I couldn’t tell nobody even tho my 4th sister came in when he was messing with me she didn’t speak up nor anybody would believe me because I was the outcast. It was days I went without eating and days where they put things in my food. Like bleach, rings, dish detergent. Also they made me do dangerous things that could’ve killed me but I was too afraid. I ended up getting taking from them when I was 12. I was in foster care until the day before my 13th birthday. I ended up back with mother. Everything was ok for the first month. Then her husband started raping me and my mom started beating me. She blamed for getting taken from her at the age of 2. I eventually started trying to kill myself to trying to shoot myself with a gun at that time I don’t know guns have safety on them. To also trying to hang myself overdosing. My mom admitted me to the mental hospitals not to get me any help that I needed but because she can get a social security check or disability check. My doctor in the mental hospital used to wonder why I would be ok all day until phone call time. He eventually had the staff to monitor my phone calls and that’s when my mother told me if her husband did rape me I deserved it. That’s what made dcfs whis is another form of child protective services get involved and I was removed from her. I was in foster care but I ended up running away because in my mind I’m thinking they can’t love me if my own family don’t. I was homeless to the point where I was stealing out laundromats for clothes and out of dollar general for food. I’ve been on my own since I was 15. Eventually a man came around and showed me a little bit of love and I ran with it. All I wanted was to be loved that I ended up pregnant at 18. Back homeless again to where another man came along way older than me he introduced me to drugs that I didn’t want to do but because he said he loved me and gave me a roof over my head. I ended up doing it anyway. And that didn’t last long so I was back homeless. And that’s when I met my little girl father and he left me after I cried and told him about my life he abandoned me. I’m 24 years old with a 5yr old little boy and a 2 year old little girl. I’ve been diagnosed with so many things from my past that you can even imagine. I’m behind on rent and utilities. I don’t know where to go from here I’m trying my best I don’t want my kids to go through anything I’ve been through. I’m trying to build a better life for them. I’m just playing the cards I was dealt. I’m not asking for any sympathy. My therapist told me one day imma have to face what’s holding me back. But everytime I try I can’t get through the first sentence. I’m not gonna ask for an amount I’m grateful for whatever I get. My rent is 650 and my utilities is 400 that has build up. Anything will help. But I know one thing if I ever overcome what I’ve been through I’m not looking back. I also want to right a book about my life I only gave you all the short version.
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