I am so many wonderful things – a step-mom, a partner, a sister, a daughter, a manager, a friend, a hard worker, a perfectionist, a fierce lover of people, a helper, a solution-seeker. Mostly I am imperfect. A work in progress. And I am finding myself in a really difficult financial situation that I don’t see a solution to right now.
I need help. And so I am humbling myself to ask for it.
After nearly 20 years in a career in a city I loved, I made the hard but exciting decision to move to the country. In the city I had two great jobs as a business and a household manager (told you I work hard!), a decent apartment, some good friends, but a relatively small life. The (literally) small apartment, crowded commutes, noise and chaos and overall energy of the city had taken their toll. I went back to work last summer and it just wasn’t the same – COVID had stripped so much of the joy out of the work I did that I was struggling to find my happiness. I had saved a little money over the course of the last year (during the pandemic!) to give myself an emergency fund, enough to put a down payment on a car, and I felt more financially secure than I ever had in my life! So when the opportunity came for me to move with my partner and try something different, I jumped at it.
The transition hasn’t been easy. Within two weeks of moving my partner and I were in a car accident in his car. Insurance covered the repairs, but the car hasn’t been the same and is now unusable because there is a battery issue the mechanics can’t diagnose or fix. I did buy a used car, but it, too, has required additional work, which is adding up. We do have good people in our lives who have helped – a friend who let us borrow his truck, and a parent who gave us a used car they no longer needed. We are lucky in a lot of ways.
But I’m still in debt. My new job is wonderful. The pay, however, is nowhere near what I was making before. I was unable to keep the part time gig, and despite looking I haven’t found anything similar where I live now. I have student loan debt that I am diligently and slowly paying back every month. I owe back rent due to being unemployed during the beginning of the pandemic, and while my landlord has been amazing and I pay him as much as I can, I am so incredibly ashamed of the amount of money I still owe him. My partner is an artist and didn’t work for nearly two years because of the pandemic, too. Financially I’ve taken on the responsibility for both of us, and while things are getting a little closer to “normal” in the world, I feel like I’m drowning.
For the sake of transparency, I have applied for Emergency Rental Assistance, but funds in my state are all but depleted. If more federal funds become available and my application is approved, the money will go directly to my landlord.
I know I will find the solution. I am a hard worker. I am determined. I am not the first nor the last person to face financial insecurity or debt. But right now I need a little help. $50 means gas to get to work. $200 means groceries for the month. $1000 means getting the car fixed. $3000 means paying off credit cards. $10,000 means paying back rent. $15,000 means paying off student loans. A little to someone out there means everything to me.
A lot of people deserve help. I hope you will help me now so I can pay it forward in the future.