I am currently facing issues with being homeless so this is why I am here.
I have been homeless since February of this year, firstly I began living in my car and did so for 5 months until it broke down. A new transmission I could not afford when it literally ,what they say ,dropped out from my car. Not literally but it stop working in an instant. That night I was on the street and will have been now for five months on the 15th.
I moved out of my place I had just began renting in December of the year before, after I got a divorce. because I could not pay rent, I didn’t stiff the landlord to bad or anyone else asking for money, I don’t know anyone , I simply took it on the chin and moved on. Knowing quite well the landlord had his lease agreement if he chose to take legal action and the housing market is just crazy so I’d rather him be getting the money as i had just moved in and already was unable to pay on time , so I thought.
The car living was not ideal but compared to sleeping on concrete ever night and carrying a nap sack every dam place and every other aspect that I can’t explain in two sentences I can’t believe how great that used to be. But that’s not now.
I don’t do drugs, I don’t hang out or with anyone,I keep to myself, my story is personal and long and I have struggled with gambling addiction since It was legal for me to do it 20 years ago but that’s not the entirety of my problem. trying to justify gambling to win for more when I have had little to no money it’s really terrible that part of my self being , mental and physical health related to car collisions that were not at fault , I can go on and on with some real average and less then normal life stories but this is not my problem , as I hesitate to reach for excuses in my history rather I am saying , right now , trying to do everything right, my circumstances are…… Immediately I have $2 on me for the next bus I’m catching so I can go to work tonight. Yes I work and have been working for many months now still homeless just usually temp jobs and not a lot of steady income from a perm. Job. Just be a long story and past of why I had to leave my old job. A lot of my costs are immediate needs , fresh food, clothes and travel. Shower during COVID not possible. Community shelter during COVID , or even if it wasn’t is out of the question , I refuse to be around known drug addicts and really scary crazy people at night, with my eyes closed…… Let alone sleep in the same space with 5-20 other men. I maintain somehow because I am resourceful yet it is extremely hard to take ownership and control and deal with problems, that I think is my biggest fear is being out of control when I feel I have started to gain some control of problems in my life. Perfect example I have two or three job offers a week and two to three dollars in my pocket sometimes, not enough to get to the job and back to a safe dry place to sleep , eat and nothing else …it’s just an example of great opportunities and ways to really change the course of my life yet it’s sometimes virtually undoable just because of money and it slips away and usually just means I am starting from scratch again. I have virtually started from scratch more times then I can count because when nothing is permanent or in my case have no stability it makes it hard to maintain . I mean for instance I can walk 20-40 km to work , to the day pay jobs yet I’ve done that so many times, it’s just a continuous cycle of just about have it but not quite. When I realize the choices I’ve made in my recent past or over my entire life are what have brought me to the street it’s one thing, but when I am alone and just sometimes feeling.hopeless . It’s another thing.
I know with time things will get better but this is what I asked for. It was my choice. I still hesitate to make excuses except for truths of how at certain times for no reason I have had misfortune happen abd good things slip through my hands and I am back at square one , over and over
It sucks realizing what the issues are , wanting to do better , not wanting to sleep outside with one eye open, cold,try living like a normal person hiding being homeless , not being a complete skid trying to stay clean of dirt, odor, living out of a back pack. It’s actually crazy and not actually looked at in a good light…imagine….or even possible I just make it possible because I have not given up yet or gotten into any trouble , even as trouble has found me, like facing drugs, drug dealers, criminals all trying to employ me or sell me drugs on a daily basis . And I don’t look or act like a bum. This isnt where I thought I could be, actually looking back I didn’t know where I was headed or wanted but I was never on the street with nothing like I am now, a lot of small issues combined with self destruction and lack of discipline is what happened. But I’m not an evil hearted person or have bad intentions . so I’ve had some real hard truths confronted in every single second and instance in my daily life and I’m just asking for money in some plea for help. Because I have no family or friends. Whatsoever. And it makes it unquestionable to ask pretty much without being anonymous because I carry a lot of shame about issues that I have had control over so I feel like my immediate homelessness and stuff is no one’s problem but my own in a way …but I’m not to proud to ask for help if you want to help me I will except it.
If I could not think about the cost of rent of a room for $600 for a month it would just be a life change.id have to secure that room which will be hard in itself but I could get sleep for work, shower , and a place to put things not carrying a back pack all day and night with work clothes and toiletries and I wouldn’t have to have fear and anxiety like when it gets dark at night. I might be able to bridge this crazy gap between homelessness and not being homeless easier…I know I have left out a lot of detail and maybe I am not giving you a clear enough impression but if anything I hope you can understand I’m in desperate need for at least more then one bare necessity daily. And a lot of what the community offers as help is used up or used by people that I feel are not healthy to be around. Or does not exist , like a place to shower , sleep and eat knowing that it’s not going to be unsafe, unclean or mentally adverse just so I can keep going to work everyday.
Thank you if you can help in anyway . To talk more you can reach me at email@example.com
I would even consider just talking with you and good advice to be worth while not just money. I’ve had a few very generous people force me to take a few dollars here or there but as people try to give me advice a lot of what i hear seems to be very poor advice intended to comfort me momentarily. One thing I do fear is the reality of being homeless for so long how I approach reentering a normal living situation landlords frown on these matters. As well when people have offered to help me financially it’s been with conditions like move in with them. I have not wanted to move in with drug users or drug dealers it’s just not me. So in some ways I’ve chosen living on the street over a real choice many times now of having to choose between drug environments or not. Even the community shelters are full of hard drug addicts and non working people I just don’t know where to turn so I sleep alone and do everything away from that kind of environment.
Thank you for reading, I am greatful for your time and help.