Hello, my name is Samuel and I’m 49 years old and I live in the U.K. with my wife and four children.
22 years ago, I was diagnosed with a bowel condition which completely changed my life for good. An illness which you lose all control of your bowel at any given moment. I suffered terrible humiliating experiences during the earlier days, of which I’m sure whoever is reading, this can understand the degrading way it can affect you. Several major operations later, I am effectively cured, however, with a new bowel to cope with, life is challenging, at the best of times.
I was initially unable to work for two years due to my illness, which financially put me under all amounts of stress and pressure. For the past 20 years, from the moment I open my eyes in the morning until the moment I eventually shut them at night, I constantly stress and worry about my dire financial situation, which is due to enormous amounts of debt, built up over the years through continuous lending and pay backs. There has not been a minute of every day for the past 20 years that I have not thought about my situation.
I am a very proud person with a positive attitude, however, over the past few weeks, I am now so desperate, I feel that I simply cannot go on. I have considered suicide, I cannot deny it, as I feel there is absolutely no hope for me anymore. My credit report score is rock bottom and nobody can help me. Me asking for help is a challenging thought for me, as previously mentioned, I am a proud person and resorting to this is difficult. However, for me, there is no other choice.
I live a very secret life of constant depression due to my financial struggles, which nobody else knows about. The only thing I look forward to is bed time, because this is my own time where I don’t have pretend to anyone, somewhere where I can just pull the duvet over my head and shut my eyes, away from everything else. This, however, is short lived, as it all starts again when I get up out of bed.
I will often go places and just sit in my car, trying to think of ways that I can get out of this mess I am in. I am so desperate to clear my debts and start again with a fresh and new outlook. I would honestly love to wake up one morning and just be able to smile. I would love to stop living a double life and I often think what that would be like. Money has dominated my life for 20 years through debt and misery, and to rid myself of all of that would be the most amazing experience that I can only dream about.
This is the first time in those 20 years that I have ever mentioned anything about my life, and reading it back to myself is extremely depressing and sad. I am hoping and praying that there is somebody out there who could find it within themselves to help me at this desperate time. I am literally begging for help, please, to erase £4,350 worth of debt from my life.