First, if you are reading this, Stop!
Go help someone else.
I am really and truly writing this so that I can help others. I can do that by sending you somewhere else on this site.
Maybe sending you away won’t help me and the people I currently have in mind, but so what?
Go on, get out of here, come back if you still have a little to give after that.
If you have come back, just… Wow. Whether or not you choose to help me by the time you are done reading this ridiculously long note, thank you. Thank you for going away and thank you for coming back.
So here it is:
In the past I have always been one to help. Friends, acquaintances, strangers. Among other things, I have given money that I have not always had, paid for medications, taken in pets, driven people hours, given time, and given my home to many, many people.
Beyond helping, and most of all, I have cared deeply about people. Even, perhaps, sometimes when they did not deserve it.
Years go by and times change, I have had a rollercoaster of a time. Not worth getting into except to say that after a very long time I again have a decent job and a roof over my head. Even if the pay is half of what it used to be and the roof is not my own.
Except I am not in a position to help others and I have a feeling some of those I care deeply for are going to need that help soon.
Really, the cost of extricating them fully from the mess they have managed is far, far beyond my means.
But they are almost certainly going to need shelter and, while I do not have it to give just at the moment, getting some should not be that hard. Besides, it is time I moved from where I am anyway.
I can maybe rent a place tomorrow, but I had been planning on buying a bit down the road. My current spot allows me to save rapidly towards that goal, but renting would cut my ability to save to almost nothing.
My choice was/is accelerate my timeline or give up on buying all together. So, knowing it will mean a worse house or worse area and a worse mortgage than I was aiming for, I chose to accelerate for their sake.
I have cut back on everything to save more, begun selling as much as I can on eBay and family member has offered a small loan. I should be able to pull together a reasonable down payment and closing costs in 3 or 4 months.
But it is now looking like the bottom is going to fall out on my friends at any moment and I am unlikely to get even the 3. I am running out of time.
And so, feeling some mixture of embarrassment, shame and disgust, I am writing this. I always endeavor to give, not take and I feel wretched asking.
But, if you have made it this far, already helped someone like I asked you to at the top and, after reading this, have a little you are considering throwing my way then thank you.
I will not pretend that you would not be helping me and, really, I am doing fine, but every little bit will also help me help friends in a bad situation and others down the line.
I will likely never be able to repay you except by paying it forward but I promise I will do that.