The Shock: There’s never a good time to have to sit and tell your children that their mum has cancer…… It happened to me in 2016. It was the single worst thing I have ever had to do. We did not know it at the time, but we were the lucky ones. “Encapsulated Thyroid cancer is the best one to get, if there is such a thing” was the dialogue with the doctor. Two operations to remove the thyroid with associated radio therapy and that should be it! Apart from the regular trips to oncology and the mental trepidation “waiting” for test results, he was right. We have been the lucky ones. But that shock and fear of loss hit me hard. Burying my head in the sand, refusal to deal with problems it all took its toll.
The Effect: My wife and I have always been close, a real team! Our twin boys are fantastic, caring, and amazing and growing into wonderful men. It is me who has always said “Keep mum happy, we’ll be happy” and “happy wife, happy life”. It has been our mantra! Since our cancer diagnosis, I have not coped as well as I should and particularly when it has come to family finances where I have always been the main bread winner. My wife maintained her role as a teaching assistant throughout her treatment and I have kept to the family mantra, working hard to prevent her having to worry. So much so that I began extending myself beyond our means, not by much initially. Using credit and loans to help with car repairs and housing repairs, house purchase, car payments, fuel and transportation to work alongside the gradual increase in living costs. Then using more credit to pay for school trips and vet bills for our elderly dog. Ending up in a perpetual state of debt where income is solely used to pay off debt. I started working two jobs and still cannot reduce the debt owed. I realise that this is all self-induced, it is all my own fault, I just need a little help. I realise that in not discussing the issues with my wife for fear of causing stress and pain to the woman and children I adore, who have been through so much, has been a catalyst to more problems.
The Solution: It is three-fold. The first and second actions are mine alone. Communicate – I am scared. I fear losing my family because of the debt and the problems I have created. I am scared of hurting my family because I have lied to them and kept secrets. I am scared that all of this is going to happen even though I am trying to get help. But even though all of that is in my head I need to communicate with them so that they understand where we are. This first action I have done! It was bad I will not lie, there were lots of tears (mine and theirs), but they now see what has happened. First task complete. The second is to break the cycle. This is the hard part. How do I break the cycle of creating more debt if I have no money to pay the debt off? Well, now that we as a family are on the same page and there are no more lies, we cut back. We sell what we can. We are all working hard and paying as much as possible to reduce my debt. We have for some months now. At the moment we manage to pay off just enough to keep on top of the interest and minimum payments. This is where our new problem lies. Time. It is not sustainable. I have looked ahead and there is no way we can keep this up. Therefore, I am here asking for help with the third action…. support to clear one of these debts:
Credit Card 1 – £7438.70
Credit Card 2 – £8770.66
Loan 1 – £10,120.00
Loan 2 – £24,409.67
I am asking for a generous and kind soul to help clear one of these debts. Not all of them! This was my problem, created by my insecurities and lack of mental strength. I am asking for one credit card to by cleared. We WILL pay our due, and in clearing one we will be given the opportunity to focus on our other commitments. It is my ultimate wish that when our world turns the right way up again that we will be able to pay this kindness forward. Thank you for taking the time to read my words. Xxx
If you can help then please use my link to PayPal here: https://www.paypal.me/chrisyogiyoung