My name is Alicia and I’m 27 years old. I live in Canada. It all basically started when I was young, growing up in Mexico was extremely difficult and when I came to Canada at the age of 14 it was culturally shocking. When I rebelled I left home (17 years old) and I ended up attending a party that I would regret going to for the rest of my life. At this party I ended up being drugged and events took place, after that my whole world changed, I became pregnant and because I was scared I went back home. My mom made me keep the baby to term to give it up for adoption. I ended up getting an emergency C-section and my breast lost their youthful appearance. In the year of 2019 in April 10th I had a hysterotomy done so If I ever end up in a similar situation I wont get pregnant again. In March 10th 2021 I had scar revision surgery on my stomach because the hysterectomy went wrong and due to this I was hospitalized for almost a year and this left bad scarring, I’m currently typing this with 20+ stitches on my belly.
Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can’t be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder makes me look at my reflection every minute of every day for the past 10 years (I’m now 27) staring and crying at the way I look, at the fact that I look this way because someone didn’t take no for an answer, I want my body back, I never wanted to be a mom, I don’t wear fun clothes all 20 year old’s wear, bikinis or any bathing suits for that matter. Sometimes I don’t go outside for weeks because I hate the way I look so much. I’m even diagnosed with anorexia nervosa because I will starve myself for long periods of time to keep the skin from my C-section as small as possible, otherwise it hangs over making a shadow. I’ve been tube fed a few times in the past due to this.
Every time I look at my body and my scars I’m reminded of what I am. I have been going to therapy and getting help after being diagnosed on February of last year and was finally given permission from my psychiatrist to have plastic surgery performed to fix both my stomach and my breasts, but I cannot afford the surgery, I know I would eat and be happier if I got this surgery done, I’ve been dreaming about it for a long time and I’m hoping this will help, writing this and posting it for everyone to see is extremely difficult. I already have the surgeon all I need is financial help so I can truly start being myself!
Please check this link on BDD for more information about my illness!
please feel free to reach out to me, I’ve been hiding for so long I’m not scared of trying and talking to people like I was before. I need to live please