Just recently my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and quite honestly I’m terrified. More scared of everything then I’ve every been.
I know there are many people out there who have are going through something similar. This is also not my first time hearing the diagnosis of cancer.
But no one ever tells you about the fear or the overwhelming heaviness.
No one every warns you about the sudden shift in dynamics and how quickly your whole life can change.
How a single phone call can make you feel like your whole life has been ripped out of you.
I’m currently writing this from a cot next to my mom’s hospital bed. Waiting for Thursday morning, when they are going to put a drain in and praying that it will help with the pain. Worried because it will be the second attempt, since they could not get it through the first time.
Then terrified, because she was in so much pain after the last attempt. All I could do was hold her hand as the nurses administered authorized pain meds and my mom cried.
Watch helplessly as someone I love so much is going through so much pain.
I’m awake, worrying about the chemo treatments she will be starting soon. Hoping they can get the drain in. Wondering if she’ll ever be able to eat without the searing pain that seems to reside constantly within her stomach. Feeling useless.
Wondering if they caught it in time. If we will be okay. Or if this will be like watching my grandma fade away. A diagnosis and then within four months, she was gone.
Im tired and scared.
My mom is my rock. She is my best friend and number one supporter. Without her, I would be lost.
I’m writing today to ask for help catching up bills and collecting money for my moms medical expenses. Before her diagnosis we were getting behind, though we were staying a float. But I don’t know how we are going to get everything paid. The accounts started overdrawn before we were paid due to last month’s attempts to catch up.
I could go on listing everything that has went wrong these past two week’s but then I just feel like all im doing is focusing on the negative. And I can’t right now because all I would do is cry, which would probably wake my mom and she needs to focus on resting.
I guess over all I’ve just ran out of options. I don’t make enough money to really help right now though I’ve put all of it to gas money and a couple groceries this week.
I honestly don’t know what else to say, except for:
If anyone can help I am truly thankful. Any amount will help. I’d like to get to $2000 but honestly I’d be happy with $10 for gas.
I know we are all going though a lot, so even if you stumble upon this and are unable to donate, still thank you.
Thank you for taking your time to read this and I wish you all the luck in the world.
My mom was sleeping so I posted a picture of part of the hospital we can see out the window.