I wish we still looked like this. This was the last good picture of us I have before she started falling victim to Early Onset Dementia. When I say early, I mean early. She’s had it now for between 3 and 4 years. I’m all she has, I have no siblings and my father ran out on her (cheated) after 35 years when he saw her starting to change. I unfortunately haven’t been able to do what I feel like I should for her because I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. I have now for 12 years. I’ve never in my life asked for help, even from friends or my own Father or Mother. I’m in a spot where I don’t feel like I can go on anymore. Being a caregiver for someone going through this all by yourself isn’t something I would wish on anyone. Add to that the fact that I struggle to get through each day because of my depression… It’s just too overwhelming. I’m only 15-18 months from a degree in Radiation/Oncology, I’m not some loser, some suck on society… I’m just in the worst place I’ve ever been in my life, a place that I never envisioned… I love my Mother, and I want to be able to set her up with care to where I can try and get the proper help I need for my depression. I truly feel like if I can get her the help (security) of being taken care of, even for 30-60 days… Maybe I could try and get the help I need so that I could get back into college, and make the grades I did before, honor her and myself properly by seeing it through. I know that if I can get better, I can better serve her and by finishing school I can be in a position to take care of her for the final few years of her life. I don’t want a million dollars, I honestly don’t know why I’m here or how much would help… I just felt a pull to do this and I know in my heart that anything that anyone out there who has the resources could do would be met with gratitude and a promise that I would make sure to pay it forward to someone else in need once I’m better and Mom is taken care of. Mom is my best friend, and seeing her declining day after day after day has been the single most devastating thing to ever happen to me… I know that I’m pre-disposed to this depression, but everything that has transpired over the course of the last 5 years has just sent it into overdrive. I need MAJOR help, my mom needs MAJOR help. Please, if you are someone out there who is lucky enough to be in a position to give, to help… Someone who maybe still has their loved ones around in full capacity, please help us, and please above that even, be thankful for what you have and don’t take even a day for granted. I swear to you I will pay this forward, and help as many people as I can when/if I can overcome this. Unfortunately, this has been going on (my batte) for over 3 years now and I’m tired. I just want to give up, give in. I hate to type/say these words because I was raised to always fight and overcome… I just don’t have much time left sadly is what I feel. Peace and Love to you all, anyone who took the time to read this novel, God bless even for just that.
paypal.me/coreyahager
