Help me care for Mom
Please help me care for my 88 year old Mom. My Mom has degeneration of the spine and Ménière’s disease. Degeneration of the spine means that she can’t walk very well and is in a great deal of pain all the time. This is exacerbated by the Ménière’s disease, where she suddenly feels like she is being thrown around the room and falls to the floor and starts vomiting. She sometimes has so many of these episodes that she burns her asophocas and starts bringing up blood. It’s so distressing to see. This can last for 2 to 3 hours. Mom gets no warning of this happening, so she can’t be left on her own. So myself and carers are with her 24 hours a day 7 days a week and it is costing a fortune. It’s not that we begrudge spending money to look after Mom, but we just don’t have enough money to pay carers all the time and it’s been made even worse because I have had to start working fewer hours in order to care for her myself. Again, I don’t begrudge looking after my Mom, in fact it’s a pleasure, but reducing my hours at work has reduced the money that we have coming it, which reduces the money we have to pay for carers to help me look after Mom. I am therefore stressed and very tired all the time. I really need some help to help Mom and improve her life. I’m begging you to help me by sending me some money to pay for carers and allow me time to sleep and recharge, so that I am able to look after my Mom properly. Please help us.
let me talk to you about my Mom. My Mom was always doing things. She sang and danced and did amateur shows. She loved it. I think that she was at her happiest when she was singing and dancing. People would come round to the house and practice whatever show they were doing. It was an exciting atmosphere to be brought up in. So you can understand when she started to deteriorate physically she was very frustrated. She lost her freedom and as she became worse, she felt like and still feels like a caged animal. I also find it really hard to see my Mom really upset because she is lonely. She was the youngest in the family and all her family have died. This is the same with her friends. She lost her last friend from the old days last year and she has no one that she feels that she can talk to. Mom cries a lot and this is heart breaking. I try to make her feel better, but it is really hard. I find this most upsetting and stressful. I want to make her happy, but I am not enough and it breaks my heart.
I also remember her helping people. I always remember her looking after others, taking people to places that they wanted to go, even if she didn’t want to. She always put others first. She also helped to look after her Mom, but she had a brother and sisters who were also able to help. They all took a share in caring for their Mom. She never complained and had a wonderful loving relationship with her Mom. They never put their Mom into an care home, as they wanted Nana to live her life surrounded by her loving family. And that’s what I want for my Mom, but I am on my own and am just so tired and need to be able to sleep.
Before my Mom got the Meniere’s disease, where she just falls to the floor, she couldn’t walk very well due to the degeneration of the spine, we were able to get a place for her on the same street as us, so we moved her close to us so that I could look after her. We got cameras in the house and an alarm system so that I could keep an eye on her even if I wasn’t there and if she needed me, she could press the alarm and I could go and help her. However, now I can’t leave her at all, as she falls on the spot and starts vomiting. She is always worried that she will have an episode, so she daren’t do anything and she can’t do any cooking in case she hurts herself. I have to do everything and always be with her. I really need help to do this, but we just can’t afford it. I once left my Mom’s to go home, Mom was fine, and by the time I got to my home in the same street, her alarm was going off and I ran back to hers and she was lying on the floor, vomiting. I worry that she will choke on her vomit.
As I’ve already said, I had to reduce my working hours to look after my mother. I am not complaining about this, but it means that I just don’t have any money to afford carers, but when I was working I still didn’t earn enough money to get carers to look after my Mom while I was at work. I also need a car to take her to doctors and hospital appointments (I do try to take her out for drives now and again if she is able, just to get her out of the house), but I’m not sure how much longer I can afford the car. I am trying my best, but I just don’t know what to do. I feel that I have just gone on and on here, but I want you to know the difficulties that I am having. I need to look after my Mom, but feel that I can’t do it for much longer. I really do not want her to go into a home, as I know that she really does not want to. I’d feel that I’d failed her. To be honest, I already feel that I have failed her. She deserves better. Please, please help. Thank you.