This is the last thing that I am wanting to do but I am desperate. I am thankful to anyone who will read my story.
On September 14, 2019 at about 10 pm I attempted suicide by overdose. I was about 15 minutes from dying before my mom found me and saved my life. I woke up in the hospital about 18 hours later.
Some background in what led up to this event. I have dealt with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since I was 8 years old. I was incredibly shy, had terrible social anxiety, and this resulted in not having many friends. I went through med after med, counselor after counselor and never found the help I needed. When I was 15 I got into a relationship with an extremely abusive guy. For 6 years I went through this because my depression told me no one else would ever love me. During this time I also suffered a miscarriage at 16. High school was hell for me. I would openly tell people how I was feeling because I was so desperate for help but instead of help, I was voted “drama queen” in my high school yearbook by my classmates. My depression got worse. I went off to college to get my art degree which was a good separation from the people who put em down so much. Here I was able to get away from my ex fiance and things started to look up. For a couple years I was okay but toward the end of college I fell into a dark hole. I was raped by a guy at a club when I was 22. This was the spark of my downfall. A year later I graduated and moved back home. Transitioning back to life with my parents was difficult and entering the “adult” world was terrifying. I luckily fell into a wonderful job working in a screen printing shop. I met some people where I lived and made quite a few friends. But, these people drink. By drink, I mean full on alcoholics. I was so desperate for friends that I fell right in with them and fell down the hole of being an alcoholic. So here I am, spiraling for about a year and a half. My depression and anxiety are just getting worse and worse and worse. No matter how much I cried and begged for help, there was no one. That night of September 14th, I wrecked my car into a tree due to low profile tires and worn out tread, it was the first major rainfall of the season and I slid straight into a tree and totaled my car. This was the final blow. I was done. The second I got back home I took all of my anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, and blood pressure medicine. I locked all the doors and laid down in bed. I was ready to be done. I was ready to be free. Somehow my mom just had a feeling that something was wrong and she got in. She saved me and I woke up in the hospital confused and angry. I said I wanted to leave and the doctors just let me get up and walk out. The state I was in, they should have never let me leave that hospital. If they would have kept me there, I could have had the help I needed quicker. Instead I struggled for almost 6 months. Wanting so badly to try to end my life again. But then, in March I met a guy. He made me feel like I have never felt before and he was willing to help me. He pushed for me to see more doctors and get the help I needed. I found the right medications and was able to start fixing my thought process. He encouraged me to be healthier and live a life I wanted to live. He saved me. Today I am happy and healthier but I still struggle with extreme social anxiety and get extremely overwhelmed/overstimulated easily.
The reason I need financial help: the suicide attempt and stress wrecked complete havoc on my body. I lost about 3/4 of my hair due to the shock to my body, my organs took a beat, and the medical bills have all added up. I feel like I am drowning. My mental state is still not the best and that mixed with covid makes it almost impossible for me to get a job. I try my best to do graphic design jobs here and there but it is barely enough to get me by. I need help. Please. Anything would help me. I would be so thankful and when I can afford to, I will pay it forward to someone else in need.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. <3