The picture shows me age 9, holding my little brother, and being 100% certain, that I would have my own kids one day. Back then I never saw myself having a specific occupation or even a husband, but I couldn’t see a future without children.
Well, sometimes life gives you lemons and it gave me a whole bunch of them.
When I had a routine check up at my gynaecologist with bloodwork, my hormone levels did not look good and they explained that the hormone that indicates the egg reserve is very low for my age. At 30 thought that I had at least a few more years to worry about that, so it came as a surprise.
While my levels were low, but not at menopause level, they recommended to start trying for a pregnancy rather sooner than later. This may sound easy when you’re married, but I’m single and had to do some research about possible options.
I decided to look for a private sperm donor (via cup/syringe method) and found the most amazing guy, who did not only drive about 400 km a month to my house to give his donation, but did not even want any money in return. He is a loving father to his own kids and I would have loved for him to be my child’s biological father.
But that would have been too easy.
After months and months of trying with the cup method, I finally got an appointment for a laparoscopy and sadly, the hormone levels where only a small problem compared to what they found.
Endometriosis and completely blocked fallopian tubes. They removed as much of the endometriosis as they could and flushed the tubes, but the chances of them being blocked again after only a few months are very high and the endometriosis was rather severe and can come back.
According to the doctors, chances of getting pregnant without an IVF are slim to none.
Unfortunately, Germany is not the best place to live when it comes to IVF and being a single woman. Only a few fertility clinics accept single women, so I will have to travel out of state for every appointment. Insurance only covers some of the costs when you are a married couple. And those costs are very high. A single try will cost about 6500 Euros (including spermbank costs and medication), and the chances of getting pregnant are about 25% with each try. While I do have a masters degree and a secure job that pays enough to raise a child on my own, these expenses won`t be possible without a loan or some help.
Waiting and putting more money aside is not an option, since my egg reserve hormone levels are already low and egg donation is not legal in Germany.
So here I am, writing to total strangers, hoping that there are people out there, that understand this wish of being a parent. I want first days of school, reading bedtime stories, and building forts in the woods. I want to kiss the pain away when they fall, hold them at their first heartbreak, and have dance parties in the living room. I want to good times and the hard times. I just want to be a mom. I would gladly consider adoption, but it is nearly impossible to adopt as a single in Germany, it’s even hard for couples.
This kid would grow up with the most amazing grandparents and uncle, surrounded by 4 languages, and most importantly, lots of love.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and considering to help.