Hi, I am a 29 year old loner with major anxiety issues and never felt like I was on the same track as my peers. I grew up in an unhealthy and emotional neglectful environment, I’m not saying that for sympathy, I’m saying it for context as to why I’m having the issues I’m having now. Young girls tend to be over looked when it comes to neurological disorders and delayed development, especially in the 20th century. Unfortunately due to this, and the Involvement of a narcissistic single mother who would always make sure I was always aware of her needs and misfortunes well before my own. I grew up raising my older brother, who had been lucky enough to be diagnosed with autism, I say lucky because it meant nothing was ever his fault! So after spending my childhood very much aware and in some ways responsible for my mother’s and brothers issues and emotions I learnt very quickly to neglect my own. Coming into adolescent’s this lead to troubled friendships, doing whatever I felt like I needed to to do to fit in or even just be noticed. I always felt like there was just something that people didn’t like about me, something I was doing wrong. But again I couldn’t think to much into those thoughts when I had my mothers reckless and addictive behaviour to feel responsible for. I was always told I was very wise for my age, but when you have no outlets for your own emotional struggles you tend to gain wisdom through being that support for others, because again I was programmed to believe my problems where disruptive, disrespectful and ungrateful. Anyhoo, now at 29 and after a lot of time coming to terms with my own right to health services and answers as to why I didn’t fit in with my peers, why I was always bullied for “being weird” and why that never actually seemed to change after all these year. I was officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder is 2018, which was not a surprise, but definitely took me a while to adjust to accepting that I do have my own issues that are allowed to be addressed. So I started my journey with therapy, which has added Autism and most recently ADHD, to my seemingly ever growing list of diagnosis that would of been very obviously but not nearly important enough in my youth. I have always maintained steady work, I have changed jobs a few times, always trying to find the right fit, I have a much better handle on what works for me nowadays thankfully. Although between the cost of living and the endless appointments and assessments that I definitely should have had as a child, I find these expenses quite overwhelmingly. I continue CBT therapy with a psychologist once a month, but my goal would be to attend therapy fortnightly. I know I have a lot of trauma to work through and I have at least accepted that now. But I also have these diagnosis that require life long treatments and medications. I recently seen a psychologist for a medication review, it was $600+ Up front, thankfully with a $300 rebate. But the upfront cost is Still more than a weeks worth of my wage. All I want is to better myself and utilise the health programs and resources we have, but that does involve deciding whether I eat that week or not. I don’t do drugs and I don’t drink, I have in the past with obviously negative results. I want to be a civil part of society, I want to understand what my diagnoses mean for me now as an adult, I want to have the opportunities for services and recourses that I would of had if I had of been diagnosed as a child rather than overlooked.
Anyway this is my story, I’m just a neurological diverse adult trying to juggle the average day to day life and the constant, and ever overwhelming battle for my mental stability. Any support would be appreciated with every ounce of my being, I don’t have anyone to reach out to, which is what has brought me here, so why not hey? If you’ve made it this far, I thank you with my whole heart, you deserve all the health and happiness in the world. Thank you,
R.
my pay pal me is – @renees11