Hi, my name is Wendy. I have treatment resistant major depression. Four years ago, I was so desperate for relief that I decided to get ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). I was on the verge of having to go on disability because my depression had become so severe that I couldn’t function much of the time. My doctors recommended ECT and assured me that it was safe. They told me I might have some memory loss, but it would only be for a time period of a few months prior to starting the ECT. They also said if I did experience memory loss, most of the lost memory would return a few months after I stopped receiving the ECT. These statements by my doctors could not be further from the truth.

ECT erased my memory of almost my entire life, all the way back to my childhood. I only remember little bits and pieces, and the memories I do have are very vague. I barely even remember my own mother, who passed away in 2007. It has now been four years since my last ECT, and none of my lost memories have returned.

I had neuropsychological testing done that showed I also have other cognitive deficits resulting from the ECT. I used to have a very high IQ. My IQ has dropped 15 points. I’m simply not as intelligent as I used to be. It takes me longer than normal to learn new information, and although I am now able to form and recall memories of things that have happened after the ECT, my short-term memory is not nearly as good as it was prior to the ECT. I have what is likely permanent brain damage.

My memory loss has been devastating for me. Losing your memories is like losing part of your identity. Our memories of our experiences shape who we are.

I had marital problems after I lost my memory, and my 13-year marriage ended in divorce five months ago. I believe our marriage would have survived if I hadn’t lost my memory of the majority of our relationship.

And of course, I still have to live with treatment resistant depression. I have found that the medication that used to work best for me but stopped working in the past is effective again after I have been off of it for a long time, but medications still don’t work as well as they used to and they always stop working eventually. So I have to rotate between different medications, and I still have frequent episodes of severe depression. On top of the depression, I have PTSD from the ECT and the loss of my memory.

The PTSD, my memory loss, and my recent divorce have all made my depression even worse. I need long-term, intensive psychotherapy to help me recover and have the ability to continue working. I just started a 30-day partial hospitalization program with five hours per day of group and individual therapy. My insurance is covering part of it, but it is still very expensive. I have to pay $10,300 out of pocket.  After that, I will be continuing in outpatient therapy twice per week for another month at $90 per session, then plan to continue with one therapy session per week long-term. I work as a paralegal for the state, and being a government job, I don’t make nearly enough money to be able to afford to pay for all of this. In addition, I am taking unpaid leave from work, so I am losing one month’s salary.

After just one week of the partial hospitalization program, I am convinced that long-term therapy is going to extremely helpful for me. I believe it will be life changing. I cannot recover from my PTSD without it.

When my depression is in remission, I have a positive attitude and enjoy my life, and even with the devastating loss of my precious memories, I still have a lot to live for. I want to be able to enjoy the rest of my life without this trauma holding me back.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any donation, big or small, will be very much appreciated!!! Please send your donation to paypal.me/traumarecovery21

On August 5, 2020 I was driving with a friend. Another vehicle did not stop at stop sign. They collided with my car and totaled my car. I received second degree burns and broke my foot. Since August of last year my foot has not healed right. During COVID I was told surgery could not happen because of it being an elective surgery. ( like who needs to walk)

I am still today trying to find a way to fix that foot. So insurance is not paying all of the cost. I have a lawyer for lawsuit but that has still yet to go thru. I have spent many months off work.

Currently needing money for expenses not being paid.

PayPal @Shanep76

Hello,

TL:DR – New diagnosis requiring hospitalization and recurring psychiatric and therapy appts without being able to work, current debt due to medical bills ~5000 USD

I’ll give a brief summary of the history of what has happened in the last year. 

• In August 2020 I had a mental health breakdown after my first manic episode of bipolar disorder. Prior to this episode I had never thought/been diagnosed with this condition.
• I took short-term leave from my job of a retail worker and received 60% of my salary, which amounted to about 600 USD per month. My rent was and remains 550 USD per month. 
• I was able to use my savings to cover about four months of living expenses outside of that 600/month, as well as to pay for weekly therapy appts at 30/per session or 120/per month. 
• In Dec I became suicidal and was recommended to higher levels of care by my therapist. 
• I entered a PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) for 4 hours a day of group therapy at 2000 for three weeks of the program. This ended around the end of January. The program itself was much more money, but my insurance luckily covered most of it so the 2000 was out of pocket. 
• I got some help from my remaining savings and some friends and hoped that would be it. 
• However, I became suicidal again and was remanded for an inpatient program – a program where I stayed for ten straight days in a psych hospital for intensive crisis intervention. 
• Those bills were very high, about 10,000 USD for the stay, and again my insurance paid for some of it, but the out of pocket was around 4000. 
• I used my credit cards to pay for most of that. Now, in January  my short term work leave had expired, so I entered a long term work leave program that again paid around 60% of my salary, but that again was about 600 USD a month. And rent continued.
• The long term insurance took three months to be assessed and granted so I had three months of nothing before getting a back payment of 4000 dollars, which covered some of my credit card debt. 
• After the inpatient program I returned to PHP for another three weeks. Fortunately I had met my deductible and out of pocket maximum so that was free. 
• I was hopeful that I would be okay and could return to work by the end of this year. 
• However, my insurance still requires a copay of 35 for psychiatrist appointments and therapy appointments. The psych appts are twice a month for a total of 70/month and therapy is weekly at 35 so 140/per month with a total of 210 a month. Along with medication, which changes as my psych adjusts them, I spend about 250 a month on medical bills and 550 on rent, along with 70 for utilities which equals 870 USD per month for basic costs. 
• The 870 does not cover food or other living expenses and my insurance only gives 600 a month so there has been a deficit of 270 each month since April. 
• I am in debt on two credit cards equaling a total debt of 4783 USD. Each month I have to pay the payment and interest. Friends and family are helping but they can’t afford to do much either. 
• On top of all of this, my work leave won’t last much longer, about 6 months I believe, which means my health insurance will end and I’ll need to pay in full for psychiatric care, therapy and medication. 

Whatever you can do to help is much appreciated. Bipolar sadly has no cure but can be managed with good medication and good living habits. I am doing all I can for myself to manage this but I need help with debt and living costs. Again, thank you so much. 

paypal.me/audramae1

Hi, so like many of us, this past year has been hard. Hard being an understatement. I’ve particularly had some financial hardships and practically have no money in my bank account. At most I have about $40 and I am saving that to buy for my cat’s food, as she comes first in my life. I am now actively searching for a job during summer break (I’m a college student) but I desperately need the money to pay for my pills. I take an antidepressant medication that helps me with my depression and the effects, such as fatigue and anxiety. The copay is about $25. I have some money saved from Christmas and I will be using that to go to the dentist, as I urgently need to get my teeth looked at and X-rayed. However, after that, I will not have enough money to pay for my antidepressant, and if I skip out on taking it, I will experience withdrawal symptoms and who knows how bad my mental health will be effected. Any donation amount would be greatly appreciated and if you want a christmas card or holiday e-card I would gladly give you my proper thanks this holiday season, just let me know in the paypal notes. 

I plan to go regularly now that places have opened up and by then I plan to have a steady job and income to be able to pay for regular cleanings or any necessary routine procedures. Just before COVID hit I had encountered some financial misfortune, and when COVID began and strung along, I found myself completely broke, despite selling some things online here and there. I have my cat to support and now family members to pay back, so I want to work hard at finding a job now that things are opening back up and school is almost done. I am also finally coming out of a bad depression from an accumulation of things, the main source being my financial situation. While I could ask for money to pay for my loans and pay for my upcoming college classes, I’d like to allow myself the opportunity to pick myself back up and work hard and take responsibility back into my life financially. However, with something like this, I just don’t have the finances to cover it right now, and this is definitely something I need to take care of quickly. 

Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions or follow-ups, I will happily answer and do so! 

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/unebellevie

I have never needed help in my adult life. I grew up poor and conquered self learning in the technology space and before I randomly got sick I was close to having everything a person could need/want but in 2015 while a friend was visiting me in my new town (near Cincinnati OH) we hit the golf course like the good old days and shot 9 holes for fun but after golfing I had a weird pain in my throat/chest and my friend took off for the 5 hour drive home that night and I found myself in the worst pain of my life barely able to move but somehow drove myself to the ER just down the road and to make a long story short they misdiagnosed me with GERD that night only for me to return 6 hours later via ambulance feeling like I was having a heart attack. I was admitted with pneumonia and an unknown issue with my chest and they again misdiagnosed me partly telling me that I must be aspirating in my sleep causing pneumonia but I knew this was related to my physical activity of playing golf that somehow. After many CAT Scans, X-Rays, EKGs, blood work by the gallon it seemed for 5 days I was released on anti-biotics and pain medication. I had trouble breathing for about 3 weeks and then felt fine until exactly 30 days later I woke up with the same extreme pain and called a work friend to take me to the ER where I was again admitted this time to the step down ICU with severe pneumonia and this extreme pain in my chest. 9 days later I was released after again countless tests and doctors trying to figure out why this is happening. Exactly 30 days later again I found myself in that ER again this time crying in pain so bad they immediately gave me an IV and pain relief and this time I ended up in the ICU in grave condition with sepsis. I started to lose reality and literally thought I was on another planet now and other weird things that going septic can do to your mind. My family rushed in from 5 hours away and everyone knew I was at risk of not making it but there was a very special young doctor who was a lung specialist who took my case and came to my bed and asked me to hold on until the morning he was going to figure this out for me he promised and he actually came back around midnight that night and said he thinks that I have a condition called Pericarditis and that he thinks Prednisone could save me from death in this case but also help this issue along with an old drug called colchicine.. They gave 60mg of steroids by IV and within a couple hours I felt 500% better mostly because the pain was reduced heavily and my mind wasn’t in outer space for the lack of a better analogy. I was moved out of the ICU the next day but spent 2 more days for a total of 13 this time in the hospital. Little did I know this was just the beginning of the nightmare to come. To make a very long story shorter the steroids worked until I tapered off then I would be right back in the hospital for a week with an infection/pain and this continued until I had spent 72 nights in a 6 month period in 2015/2016 and I had basically got max out of pocket bills for two years close together which wiped out my savings along with the fact that I was being paid very well but lived in an expensive area close to work at the time and my monthly bills and expenses were over 4k at the time. I became so weak and sick that I started looking for a new job that would allow me to work at home in attempt to move back with family back in northern OH so I could go to the Cleveland Clinic for care since they were basically the only place other than Mayo who had a Pericarditis clinic and they had the worlds number one expect Dr. Klein. I found a remote job on contract and made the move and little did I know this would cause my financial ruin in the end. I ended up getting sick in my second week of work at the new job and admitted to the Cleveland Clinic for nearly two weeks with double pneumonia and this time I left the hospital on home oxygen and just a few weeks later I was back in the hospital and spent nearly 12 days in the ICU and just a few weeks after that I spent several weeks admitted and this time I started getting mistreated for pain and had to sign myself out and take a taxi to another hospital which found out I also had pancreatitis and they put me on strong pain relief understanding how awful that is. During all these stays I received at least 8 CAT Scans, dozens of ultra sounds and x-rays, MRIs and so many other heart and lung tests I couldn’t remember them all. All of this would had been ok if I would have stayed at my old job but moving jobs I had to wait for my new insurance to kick in after 90 days and at the time I was so sick I was not even thinking to ask someone how to make sure I was covered in the gap. Even after many discounts of 50% or more in some cases I had multiple SIX FIGURE hospital bills and dozens of others that were 20k and under. This devastated me and at the time I still had perfect credit, a 401k and 10k I had in a shoebox incase something bad happened but I could have never seen this coming as I was perfectly healthy the day before this started. I foolishly tried to manage these bills with the discounts and programs they helped me get and basically financially wiped myself off the face of the earth liquidating my 401k, my emergency fund and anything else I had trying to manage the payment plans. I was able to take out several 30k loans with low interests and I also had about 50k of unused credit at the time and foolishly tried to keep up with these medical bills and at the end of the day I still had over 200k at least I has not been able to cover but now I had all these loans and credit card bills which I paid on time for a while until my new contract job was abruptly ended and later on my insurance dropped and now I had a mountain of debt and no income or savings or anything. Over the past 2 years they have kept me on Prednisone along with other medications that has kept me out of the hospital for the most part but due to the high dose the steroids in my doctors words are “now killing me just a quickly” and life has basically did a 360 on me and I am now 75lbs heavier due to water retention from Prednisone, it has eaten my teether from the inside out and I have all the bad side effects of long term prednisone use like severe depression and many others I dont even want to talk about but you can look them up if you wish. I am only 35 now and in the past two years and 4 months I have left my parents apartment only for doctor appointments and once in a while to pickup some food. My spine has massive degeneration and my nerves are pinched so bad I cannot stand or walk longer than about 10-15 seconds but they have always put this off due to trying to fix my other issues first but it never happened. The reason I am posting this is that I dont have it in me to put my face on GoFundMe right now.. at least not yet.. I know I shouldnt be too prideful but maybe this will work who knows.

I believe I probably have about 3-6 months left if nothing is done to turn things around in a miraculous way and given that no other treatments exist except for the one that every insurance provider will not cover due to the injections costing about 6k monthly cash price but they will say they wont covered it because its not intended for Pericarditis primarily.

The only reason I am making this or asking for help in the end is that my little sister has supported me during many months when I couldnt work and/or needed medication or bills paid and this was all put onto a few credit cards over the past two years which I always paid at least the minimum because I did not want to damage her credit just for helping me but I cant leave this earth with owing her this money now that she just had her first child a few months ago and Covid has hurt her household finances big time. I owe her credit cards $23,xxx which again was living expenses and mostly medical expenses over the past 28 months or so. Unfortunately I will also have these expenses continue over the next few months as well so there is that too. I really am embarrassed to say medical bills were able to put me in this spot but its true. I also have so much I wasnt able to put in here because it would take me a week to write it all at least. The biggest thing I left out is that I likely have heart failure now (since March) and that is why I know my body is about to give in. I really just want to make sure I dont leave my sister with nearly 25k in debt and they take her house or something after she just had her first child. Thanks for reading this.

My brother has been battling heart conditions since his senior year and it keeps steadily getting worse. He’s been out of school now for 4 years and it seems he’s at his worst. Trouble breathing, always missing work, always extremely tired and scared to sleep cause sometimes he says he just can’t wake up. My little bro can’t even start his life up. We’ve talked to many specialist and the best thing for him is open heart surgery. The problem is that he is too young (22) and didn’t think he would need life insurance yet so we are scrambling around trying to find help wherever we can. I am saving everything I can manage to save, but it is not coming fast enough as we watch him get more sick. If anyone would be willing to help us out I would appreciate it greatly and I know that he and our family would too. Anything helps as his medical bills keep piling up making it impossible for us to even get assistance through other means or even take care of ourselves.. Thank you all very much for taking time to read this. If you would wish to donate please click on my PayPal link below and May God bless all of you.

https://www.paypal.me/Mthomas6711