I am brave. I am resilient . I have had a spinal cord injury that rendered me paralyzed. I have suffered with trigeminal neuralgia, an illness that causes the worst pain know to mankind . But of all these things the worst thing that I have had to endure is domestic violence. And now it is putting me at risk of loosing my home. What makes the domestic violence the worst, compared to a spinal cord injury and trigeminal neuralgia is being attacked, over-powered and bullied by another person and not being able to stop it. And the attacks are not just physical, they are financial, psychological, and emotional. And the more you try to fight back or defend the harder he attacks. That is what makes domestic violence worse than my spinal cord injury or trigeminal neuralgia.When I was unable to work and at home due to my spinal cord injury an aid would come and shower and dress me a few times a week. It was humbling to be an adult an need to be showered by an adult. But that also made me more determined. I worked hard at home with a therapist and I went from a wheelchair to a walker to forearm crutches with a brace on my leg. I got back to work. It took over a year and a half but I was able to overcome this adversity because so much was in my hands. When I got back to work at the businesses that my husband and I owed and worked together, I discovered that I had been locked out via password of all the bank accounts and payroll. Prior to my injury, I had brought in 90% of the revenue and handled all of the finances. As I continued to work again I went right back up to being the main revenue stream but was still locked out of all the finances. I did not receive a paycheck either, only my husband did. When I would question him he would say “it doesn’t matter, we are married” or he would get violent with me.
A few years after being back to work I developed another illness called trigeminal neuralgia “TN”. It causes intense electric shock pain in the area of the face and mouth.
There is no greater pain known to exist in medicine than the pain of TN. It is caused by inflammation, trauma, or compression of the trigeminal nerve in the brain. There is no cure for the disease. My TN is atypical in that when it flares and the nerve fires it does not fire for a few seconds but for hours at a time days days at a time. Sometimes I can go two weeks without eating drinking or speaking. TN is also called “suicides disease” because the pain is so unbearable-it has the highest rate of suicides of any illness. And yes, as bad as TN is, enduring domestic violence is worse.
After the abuse continued in my marriage I filed for divorce. I didn’t know at the time that this is often the most volatile time for the victim. As the victim tries to pull away the abuser is loosing the thing he loves to control–and lashes out more. And he did.
I started my own company and he was able to “socially engineer” the employees to disconnect my business phone, and he hacked my website and had my business email shut down. My customers thought that my business closed. I lost so many customers. That was just one of a list of many things done to financially harm me. It took me six years to get divorced. He told me “I’m not going to give you a divorce, I am going to make you live in misery”. Over the six years were were in and out of court so much. I had hired separate corporate lawyers to try and get payroll and access to the accounts from the company, but by the time it got to court there was nothing left. I lost everything.Even after the divorce was final there were so many legal fees trying to hold him in contempt. I had a protective order and there were legal fees for obtaining and enforcing that.
It has been six years of being run through the courts. With my trigeminal neuralgia I have missed a significant amount of time from work that I do not get paid for. With all of the missed pay and legal fees I am financially drained and have fallen behind on my mortgage. The bank has file a pre-foreclosureproceeding. My house has special modifications to help with my disability. I work in health care. I devote my life to helping others. I have worked so hard to over come so much but I don’t know how to over come this. I am working 6 days a week. I appreciate any financial help anyone can give to keep me in my home. Thank you.