Hello there, good people
Good way to start this, would be to say that I never would’ve thought that it may come to this in any part of my life, but here I am. I’m in such a slump right now, literally typing “begging for money” in a Google search and finding there’s sites like this existing. There’s no other way to say this, I am actually here to beg for any money, so I can get my life back on track.
I always liked to think of myself as a smart, resourceful person and it would never cross my mind that I’d get to such a bad shape that this would be the only way to gt back on my feet…
Few months ago my life ended, that’s how I initially looked at it.I live in England right now. When in work, I got a call from my Mom, when she told me that my older Brother, Radek, was founded dead in the river on some outskirts of my town. Making a long story short, I went to my shift manager, I said that I need a week off work with a quick explanation and that was that. I couldn’t make myself not to cry, on my road to the house and several hard days later on. I’ve flied to my country for the funeral and try to be as long with my family, especially with my Mom in this dreadful times. After couple of days, unfortunately , it was time to get back to reality and carry on with my life. That was the problem. I couldn’t.
It’s important to say that me and my Brother was really close to each other. I can’t count how many times we disagreed about important and on other hand petty issues, but I loved him so god damn much, that this was to much for me. There was so many things I should say to him, do for him, and maybe, just maybe, save him from his fate…. And while I’m writing this, I’m aware that this is probably a normal, typical “complain” to make while a person is mourning, but here we are. My brother was an artist, a beautiful human being, much better than myself and I can’t help myself thinking that somehow I could save him from being drown in a fucking river by some lowlife, because yes, I think he was murdered, even though my Mom tries to make me think that this was some kind of unfortunate accident. But I digress.
Since I came back to my house in UK , I couldn’t get back to my work. Not through fault of my employer, of course. It was all on me. Everyday when I woke up, I couldn’t make myself getting up, making any food for myself and just staying under the covers with a contempt for my life in general. I got really depressed, It’s fair to say that I just wanted to stay there until I die. I did, kind of.
I stayed like this for couple of months, switching off my phone,cutting out from my friends and everyone around me,buying necessary food online and basically just laying there, feeling sorry for myself, while watching TV for search of anything that would cheer me up, even for a second.
After a while I’ve encountered some TV show about people post-depression, which very depressing in it’s own rights, it actually showed me a light in a tunnel. Seeing so many people with similar issues, and winning with them over time, getting back to life, was something that I really needed. For a few days now I’m trying to find a job, trying to make things right, but unfortunately, it’s not easy right now.
After months of neglecting myself and everything around me, I haven’t paid my rent nor any of my electric/gas bills, which piled up enormously. And that’s exactly why I google-search “begging for money”, since right now this is all i got.
I want get my life back, I want to make my family proud once again, and with the help of some kind-hearted people maybe I could save my home as well. At this moment all my bills piled to over 3.000 GB pounds, and maybe with a small donation here and there, I managed to pay it back, at least to some extent.
Thank you to anyone who read it and to anyone who donated, with all my heart
P Blazewicz 13.02.2020