<span;>so.. I am not sure how to start this due to the fact that I have always been that person to never ask for help never rely on anyone else.. I like everyone wanted to make someone proud and break the long chain of disappointment that seems to shadow my families… but after falling harder than I had ever thought I would and being less than to everyone like we all never imagined I have been humbled in many ways and one being knowing when to ask for help. I grew up in a tiny town far north in the woods where everyone thinks they know everything but really no one ever really knows.. I am the youngest child of 4 and I since the age of 8 have been doing nothing but raising everyone’s children therfore not really having a childhood myself..I came from way down south but moved here at the age of 3 Nad never really left or got to experience anything. I struggled with school due to probably adhd and dyslexia probably compliments of being born on meth and whatever else and have known nothing but struggle since entering this world. As a baby it all seemed normal until it was noticed that there was something off and not right about my appearance. My head was growing wrong due to my soft spot being fused closed to soon so I could see my forehead and the backbof my head touched my back… at 18 months old I would receive a surgery to reshape my entire head with was successful enough but soon afterwards had to receive ear tubes to open my earways because they were swollen closed and I was beating my head on everything due to the fact that all I heard was white noise and it was making me go crazy… now that’s a rough start and seemingly enough to last a life time in my eyes but someone else had different plans for me and apparently is curious to how much I can take.. my childhood was just as messed up as the next. I had two parents that were addicted to drugs and alcohol and loved to abuse the other and even though we managed and there were great times the bad seemed to always out weigh the good.. there was never comfort in knowing where I would be sleeping who I would be with but the guarantee that I would be hearing the screaming and the sheriff wouldn’t be far behind.. at 2 I was taken from my babysitters home by cps and gotten back somehow very quickly with my mom’s aunt’s help.. this lifestyle went on… dad show up whenever maybe for a day maybe a week gone for what seemed a life time in-between. He worked down south we stayed here with my mom.. she would drink party fo whatever and whoever and when he was home they would fight he would leave and it went on and on. He had always told me he wasn’t ever going to return but he always did until one day he didn’t… I was ten the year he never returned… apparently no one could tell me where he was if he was even alive I was devastated.. naturally I was a daddy girl and he was so sweet with us girls and my mom was such a mean drunk and unhappy in general which made her very unpleasant which i now understand and don’t blame her… but about 2 years later she quit drinking and started going to school for nursing which she kept on doing.. she worked grave yard shift which was hard on not only her but the 3 girls and 1 boy when he wasn’t in jail left to raise one another at home. I am the youngest so naturally I am the burden my siblings are 12, 6 and 5 years older than I. They all followed the life of our parents the oldest my brother having it the worst the longest due to he wasn’t our father’s son so he was abused for his entire life until 12 when my mom couldn’t handle him anymore and gave him up as a ward of the state growing up in juvenile hall and the rest of his life in and out of jail and mental wards.. with 4 children by 3 different women.. then the oldest girl who had a great chance due to she was great in school even got an scholarship to become a writer anywhere in the state of California but quickly threw that away to become pregnant and in an abusive relationship… then there was the middle girl she has always been the nurturing one not so good in school not really street savy she never left mom’s house she was like the teachers pet so to say… but when she did she ended up being swooped up by some guy that quickly ruined her as well. So all that was left was me I left home before 18 really I had been on my own always it seemed I started working legally at 14 and had always been hustling money well before then doing any work I could. I was the last hope in my mom’s eyes of her not being a failure… all until about 4 years ago. I had two management positions I worked 7 12 hour days I ended up having my first baby Nad found out I have na extremely rarest of the rare blood problem that affects my baby’s in uturo… I have two daughters, a step daughter and a step son which although I raised over 8 children from the age of 8 has been a struggle I imagine it’s from the fact that the day I got to experience a life that was fun and free its what I had been longing for. I love my children all 4 and I wouldn’t trade them for the world but unfortunately somehow I feel into the pattern of my past… I went from the stand out roll model working mother whom managed two businesses and did everything on her own as well as helping everyone with anything… to the front page news and the TV and having my youngest taken in the process she was only 4 months old… it’s shameful to say I feel into drugs after I had her my other half had already been deep in them bad little to my knowledge he had stolen from someone’s home and gotten caught… in the process I was guilty by association even though I had no clue I was completely blind sided and torn down down shamed and in. Asmall town you don’t come back from that. We now have gone through all the process of getting our child back and being the first couple to do so successfully in over 20 years got clean and still live with the debt of a huge mistake that we pay for in more than one way. We are now labeled as tweekers theives and it’s hard to get a job or even to just live any kind of normal life… we are in debt over 60,000 dollars and even though we have payed with out dignity and so much more now we suffer our relationship suffers and worst of all our children suffer because of the weakness of living the only life I have ever known because of being tired of being the pillar to hold the weight of everything. Please find it in your heart to help us to be a helping pillar and so that we can give our children a chance to know a happy family and better life than we knew. There is so much I have left out so much pain and suffering. I hate to ask for help I usually don’t receive it even when I do but I have no one to ask and nothing so what more can I lose by doing so. I’m grateful for your time to read this sob story even if you don’t or can’t extend a helping hand.. I appreciate you. My pay pal link
paypal.me/leannavarao