My name is Dan Olsen and I’ve been struggling with major depression and anxiety for 10+ years and it’s only been getting worse. Really don’t know how I’ve made it this far as I am 32 years old now. I think a lot of it stems down from my up bringing. This is were I think it’s best to start. When I was born I got stuck inside my mother while she was giving birth to me, and doctors had to perform an emergency c-section. When the doctors administered the anesthesia my mother she was almost killed due to the fact that the oxygen for the inhaled anesthesia never turned on and she flat lined while I was still inside her. Somehow they managed to bring her back to life and get me out but I wasn’t breathing and my mother was now in a coma. they eventually got me breathing and had to be put in a incubator for the first 3 months or so of my life. My mother wasn’t so lucky, she was in a coma and doctors feared she might die. By some miracle she woke from her coma 2 month’s later but now has permanent brain damage and short term memory loss, it kills me inside everyday to know I can’t do anything to help her get better and give her a normal life. She turned 63 this year and lives in an elderly care living facility the next town over, so I don’t get to see her much due to the fact of being broke, and in debt without proper means of transportation to go see her. I do talk to her on the phone and video chat but it’s just not the same.
I was lucky enough to have two loving grandparents that raised me in their home, our father was never there, so they decide to take on the role of my parents while also taking care of my mother and fraternal twin brother. At a very young age I struggled in school, I got held back a year in kindergarten, even with tutors to help me I didn’t advance as quickly as the other children. I had terrible anger issues, ADHD, trouble making friends, acting out, eventually was kicked out of school in first grade. At my next school I still struggled with the same issues and was brought to multiple psychiatrist who just put me on Zoloft but I still struggled all the same and was in special education all through Elementary School.
Love my grandparents very much but it takes a toll on a young kid mentally when your grandfather is verbally and a physically abusive drunk. He could be nice at times but as soon as he started drinking literally every night the worst would come out of him, calling my brother and I piss ants, and little bastards, little shits, fucking bastards, all while he would walk past our room to refill his glass with another Vodka Martini over and over until he was drunk enough to pass out and go to bed. I knew just about every swear word in the book by the time I was 8 years old. My grandmother and mother would here it too but what could they do.
Middle school and high school was not much different than elementary school except the fact that I wasn’t on medication or seeing psychiatrist anymore. Still needed a lot of tutoring and made it through to the next grade with good enough grades to get by to the next one. Eventually graduating not knowing what to do with my life. Starting working this job or that dead end job only to be let go or fired. all the while my mental health just kept getting worse and feeling worthless and not good enough. Back taking medications but they don’t really help too much. I feel like I’m on my last leg and getting worse by the day. Don’t have any family to help me as my Grandparents are dead and that’s all I ever really had to help me. I miss them more and more everyday at times I think I’d be better off dead, I’ll just be one less burden in this cruel world we live in.
I’m now in a lot of debt to the IRS around $4000, the bank loan on my house around $18’000, behind on property taxes, and utilities doesn’t help either. I live in Wisconsin, and Winter is here. The anxiety and depression is gotten so bad I can’t even hardly be out in public anymore unless I absolutely have to be, like to get medications or food. I only can get those things because I’m now on food benefits from the state, and healthcare benefits from the state. I’m only one late payment away before the bank starts a foreclosure on my home. Please if anyone can find it in their heart to help a poor soul like me please help.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, God bless you.