I have a damaged soul, broken heart and worried mind as I am writing this to you today. A damaged soul because I am now a widow as the result of a tragic car accident which ripped my soulmate and the father of our children away from us. It has left me broken-hearted to see my children suffer from losing “daddy”… My worried mind because…”what am I supposed to do now?” I keep asking myself this over and over again… “What am I supposed to do……”
Brian and I met in my freshman year of high school. It was my first year at there. I came from a smaller school that only went to the 8th grade. Once the students graduated from the 8th grade, it was off to one of the surrounding schools that were much bigger, going all the way to 12th grade. Brian had gone there since Pre-K, which made him the perfect person to show me around and introduce me to everyone. Although, I think he was just trying to be around me because he liked me, though he never admitted it. LOL. He was so dorky back then, with a mullet hairstyle that kids these days suddenly think is “sexy” as my little brother would call it. Looking back now, I laugh… He wasn’t cute at all, but I was totally in love with him. He had a smile that lit up the entire room. That smile while looking into my eyes made me feel like it was just me and him in the world.. just the two of us. Some people are skeptical when it comes to “love at first sight” and understandably so. However, for us, it was just that. Love at first sight.
We stayed together all through highschool and got married my first year of college. Soon after, I was pregnant with our first daughter, Kimberly. I had some complications during the pregnancy which led us to our decision for me to stop going to college and stay at home….bed rest. Our parents helped us through those times, while Brian worked and stayed in college. Times were tough, but we made it through! Once I was pregnant with our second daughter, Braelynn, our lives were great! He had finished college and was now a real estate agent! After years had passed, we finally had a mortgage, 2 vehicles, a dog and fenced in back yard-the works! A traditional marriage and family was my dream and it had come true!… That back yard is where our oldest daughter sits right now on her swing…Thinking of her daddy I’m sure.
It was around 6pm on May 1st of this year that I got the call. The call that changed out lives forever. The girls were eating because they were “starving and couldn’t wait any longer!” Brian’s plate was made and on the table. I knew he would be home any second since he was running a little late. I was making his glass of sweet tea when the phone starting ringing. It was my cousin. She was driving on her way home from work and came up on a wreck. 2 ambulances, firetruck and several police cars, a black truck and what appeared to be my white SUV. She was calling to make sure I was okay…Little did she know, what she was witnessing was my husband on the stretcher getting loaded into the ambulance. That we found out shortly after. Once I hung up the phone with her, I had an awful feeling. Brian’s food was now cold and still untouched; ice was melting in his tea. So I decided to call hospitals. The very first one I called…he was there. I had my sister come sit with the girls and rushed there to be by his side…. Instead I had to identify his body because he was pronounced dead shortly before my arrival.
I don’t know how or why things happen the way that they do. But for whatever reason, my husband was taken from us by someone who couldn’t help themselves from driving while intoxicated. A drunk driver. While I am angry and hurt, I know that our lives must go on. But, how? On top of this tragedy that I feel I will never overcome, we have been charged with $15,000 in funeral expenses. Plus, a mortgage that my parents paid, and carpayments that his parents took care of for us. We had a $10,000 (approximately) savings that we were planning to go on a cruise next year with, but since a funeral came before the cruise, that’s what I spent it on. I have no money, and neither of our parents have anything to help with either. I am drowning…my girls are drowning. How do I save them when I feel that I can’t even save myself. Mostly my oldest daughter…she’s torn apart. My youngest doesn’t know exactly what is going on just yet. She will be one year old on the first of June, but she can feel that we are all sad. Just doesn’t know why. Thank goodness for that.
I do want to apologize for turning this into a letter you would only read in one’s diary.. That wasn’t my intention. However, I do feel a little better now that I was able to share that with someone, so thank you for your time reading. I will end this by saying, I just need some help. Somebody, anybody out there willing to help; I will accept and will forever be grateful.