I’ve always been the sturdy person who offers support and encouragement whenever needed in all aspects of living. Then I had my son. I continued to maintain that role and over time everything started to break. I continued to providing emotional and financial support to my siblings and their children. I let my family convince me that I was supposed to become self-sacrificial. I place everyone’s needs before my own. This lead to me over drafting on my checking accounts, and overspending during family functions in an effort to bring joy. I reasoned that the universe would find a way for my son and me as long as I kept everyone happy. The insane thing is that before my son, I did not reason this way. Even when I was being a rock for others, I did not lose sight of my priorities. The reason that I allowed it to happen after the birth of my son, I needed the help of my family. I needed my son to exist in peace. If I could keep our environment happy, then so would he. In addition to trying to maintain peace, I was full of pride. When I had my son I became more vulnerable and developed a lot of self-doubt. I could not let anyone see this, so I masked it with the sturdy as a rock mentality. This was a huge mistake because I allowed my loved ones to have great expectations of me. Now that I have started to share my truth, I am called a liar and a deceiver. In spite of the previous eviction that was filed on me, no one wants to believe that I am unable to be the person I started out as. It’s heartbreaking, and has caused a lot of stress.
I placed my real priorities; that is, to myself and to my son on the back burner. Now I’m facing homelessness. I have broken. After many weeks of crying, trying to figure out how and why, I came to the realization that I spread myself way too thin, and the result is failure. Even though I have accepted accountability for the way I have moved through life these past two years, it doesn’t hurt any less to know that I have let my son down and also myself.
I have started praying again and that helps with my spirit. I have also created a plan/budget for my finances. I would be able to implement this plan if I receive help with rent. I am currently facing an eviction. Helping me pay rent would allow me to reset my finances and maintain my budget. I am also talking to my minister, who is helping me to rediscover my confidence so that I do not end up in this situation again. I humbly ask for any help in obtaining $1207.17 for past due rent.