Donation link below:
Hello and to whom it concerns:
My name is Kevin. Since you are on this site along with this posting, I assume you know what I am about to write about. It pains me to say, but my situation has become so dire that I need to ask others for help. Any funds you give is better then nothing, and I ask that you only give what you can part with. If you have nothing that is ok, please read my story at the very least as vague as it is.
I would like to write a little about who I am. I cannot reveal to much about myself for this is the internet and it would be most unwise to not be cautious. I am a 30-year-old male who has multiple mental illnesses, and the most fun of them all is schizoaffective. I have worked for 15 years in multiple positions and I completed community college with great marks, and I earned two A.S degrees. I made all the right moves in life but can’t seem to get ahead, I never knew the right people for work and my hard work only earned me 2 scares on my pelvis for hernia many years ago (despite lifting properly). I tried joining the military but due to my illness they said no.
I am at a point in life where my family (despite my hard work and productive nature) is growing tired of my existence despite the struggle many share abroad. I feel an intense shame for my shortcomings, but I did not travel that path of guilt, I kept working and hoping that it would pay off someday, but here I am. I feel as if I wasted my life trying to be successful and a contributor of society. I have become extremely pessimistic and cynical, and I wonder why god would do this to me? I am a good person who likes to help when I can and I did not just behave this way because some higher power was watching, I did it because its who I am. But I wonder why god has not smiled upon me? If you believe god is a lie then I would not challenge you, you may be correct. I have proven a good heart, and a hard worker. I do not claim that I am a saint, but I am not a beast either. I do have some creature comforts as many do like vaping, meditation, going out to a movie, maybe a beer so often. But When I come across money, I hoard it not just to be penny pincher but so I can save it for real issues like bills, and unexpected ones at that. I can be a very boring person.
I now look to my own kind for help. I will not lie, there is a small voice in the back of my head that hopes some wealthy individual will find this and make it better (Laugh of hope). But I know that is not how it works, and I still have that tiny flame in my chest that says push on. I just need that big break so I may have enough funds to be my own man. I have a truck and some funds to get me by, but my family is telling me time is up. I do not know what to do and by the time I finish this I can only summarize that I will be homeless.
I do not know the measure of a man, but I have had many tell me what a good heart I have and how intelligent I am. Despite what some would believe, I worked hard to be wise and informed as much as I could while trying to be a productive member of society, while battling the demons in my head to boot. I have been fighting two fronts (one in my mind, the other in reality) and it feels like I can’t do it anymore. I feel drained and defeated, and I do not know what gets me up in the morning. Maybe I am a coward who is afraid of the end. Maybe I am one of those individuals that should have not been and natural selection has not claimed me yet. But I refuse, maybe its defiance.
I consider myself a very proud person, for if you do not have love and respect for yourself then no one does. But I must bend a knee and wear my pride on my sleeve and humbly ask for many souls out there to show mercy. Surely the wheel must turn in everyone’s favor at some point. Please be the one to help turn that wheel towards me so I can survive. If not, that is ok, I appreciate you reading this none the less. I existed for a moment and that’s better than nothing.
I do not know if you believe in a higher power or not and I will not force a dogma like that on anyone but bless you for your time.
Thank you all for reading.