First, thank you for taking the time to read this post. Second, please know that I am absolutely mortified to be asking for help. I am a 37 year old female that has been 100% self sufficient since the age of 19. I have NEVER asked for help from anyone (even when truly desperate), as I have always been too proud and would find a way to make things work.
I will start by telling you I do have a good career, and work hard regardless of any situation. I have even recently started a part time job delivering groceries in my spare time, which there definitely is not a lot of, but I try to put in as many hours as possible.
This past spring my world was turned upside down and inside out. As a single professional, my dog was truly my world outside of the office. I finally had to stop being selfish and say goodbye to my best friend in the world once the vet said he was in pain and nothing else could be done. The following day was not only the worst because I couldn’t comprehend him not being here with me, but because of a phone call I received from the local hospital. My mom (only relative) was admitted and I was called as I am the emergency contact.
My mom had been diagnosed with stage 4 (end of life) nonalcoholic cirrhosis of the liver and cancer. She knew about it for quite some time, but hid it from me as if you met her – until recently she was very much the healthiest and most vibrant woman. Often times people confused us as sisters. In my heart, I believe that she hid it not only to keep my from worrying, but in part she was in denial.
Her life is now coming to an end. I found out this summer that she has no money left. Her memory (and body) are failing, and a few months ago I found out her house was going to be foreclosed on. Being that house (and myself) is all she has, I took the maximum loan against my 401K to save it. She insisted on in-home hospice, and I can’t deny her the comfort of her own home during her final time in this lifetime.
Since saving her house I have maxed my credit cards, taken on the part time job, and paid every bill for her. I don’t have the heart, and I am not sure at this point she would fully comprehend that in taking care of her, I haven’t been taking care of me… financially, physically, or emotionally. All of my bills are past due, and most importantly I am now behind on my rent, car payment, and bills. I cannot have an eviction on my credit, as when she passes I will need to be able to lease another place. It is very hard to lease an apartment here with an eviction on your credit. I am working hard with my landlord to make arrangements, but unfortunately she is not being flexible or understanding. I would like to bring my rent current and terminate my lease to move into my mom’s house until she passes. I also cannot lose my car, as I need it to drive all over to maintain both my full time and part time jobs. I already terminated the lease on my mom’s car as she is unable to drive, and her payment was more than mine. To bring my rent current and break my lease I owe $3956. I am also almost $1000 behind on my car payments which they are threatening to reposes if not brought current by next week.
I have my mom still here (as of now) for the holidays, and that is more than any gift or fancy meal to me. If I could have one holiday wish, I would wish for one day with my mom where I wasn’t going insane racking my brains on how I was going to manage working 2 jobs, pay both our bills, feed her, bathe her, make sure everything was ready for the next day for the hours I am not around, trying to rest during the 3 hours I give myself a night – and just truly TRULY enjoy one day with her where she has my full attention and energy.
As mentioned above, I am mortified to even be writing this, and even more so to be asking for help. I love helping those in need, and wholeheartedly believe in paying it forward. Even if you are unable to assist financially, I am grateful for anyone that has taken the time to read this long message, as it has taken everything out of me to even type it. If you are able to assist in any way not only will I be eternally grateful, but I am most willing to repay (just tell me where to send it) or pay it forward to others in need once …. I can’t even say it but I am sure you know what comes next.
I wish all a very happy holiday season, and a healthy happy new year.
Many thanks in advance.
S R S