My name is Earl. I live in Dallas Texas, and I am diagnosed with major depressive disorder, social anxiety, and adult ADD inattentive type. My mental illness is currently controlled with the help of my doctor, my counselors, and I currently take 5 pills a day for depression, ADHD and anxiety. Because I know the depths of despair, I tend to help others at a cost to my own well being.
I’ve struggled my whole life with loneliness, I don’t have a support network, and it’s really hard for me to make friends due to my cognitive disorders.
Last year I lost everything due to my mental illness, I lost my job due to a very public emotional breakdown, and in turn was evicted from my apartment, and forced to file chapter 13 bankruptcy. I have since found a new job, and an apartment that would accept me with an eviction. It is the last place I have to call home, and I was almost homeless. I can’t loose my home.
My neighbor’s name is Jennifer. She has chronic COPD and respiratory illness, mental health, and previous substance abuse issues. She is 61 years old, and has an apartment from a homeless prevention program. She has no one in the world, and I believe I have been overcompensating to help her survive at a detriment to myself.
I first began contact with her because she had a suicidal episode, and I essentially saved her life by being there when no one else would. She is unable to work because of her health conditions, so I have been paying her to clean my home so she can have money. I can’t afford what I do for her, but I feel bad, and I can’t just leave her to die. She recently had surgery to removal potential cancer from her throat, and over the weekend she needed medications, so I gave her my last $10 so she can get her medications.
I have been helping her survive, but I can’t even help myself. Every day she needs money for food, medicines, bus fare, dog food, laundry money etc. I can’t seem to tell her no, so I end up giving her the last of everything that I have, and I end up suffering.
Now I am late on my rent due to helping her, and my landlord will be filing for eviction soon. If I lose this apartment, I will never be able to get another with 2 evictions. I have been in such dire straits, that I needed to have an emergency medical appointment yesterday to modify my antidepressants, because I could not stop crying at work.
I am risking another job, and home due to my mental illness and putting others before myself. The stress of having late rent has caused me to back slide into some of my previous depression. I don’t want others to suffer the way that I do, so I tend to help when I really can’t afford to do so. I also feed several stray cats every night in my neighborhood, we have a stray cat epidemic, and I can’t stand them starving. It is not their fault that they were born.
I make about $2800 every month after taxes, and my rent alone is $1450 plus a $50 water bill. I think I am actually being mislead on the water bill as I am not sure how I use that much in a 1-bedroom apartment. My rent and utilities are over half of my take home, so I really don’t have the means to support myself, my elderly neighbor, my 5 cats, and the stray cats I feed nightly. It is too much.
I get paid again on Friday of this week, but it will not be enough to cover my rent+water+late fee and my electricity is about to be disconnected.
My total expenses are $1543.70 for rent + late fee + water, and I have a $300 electric bill. I will get $1400 on Friday, so I am trying to get help with the other $453.70. I do understand that I will need to stop helping others if it is negatively impacting my well-being. Also, I don’t currently have car insurance because I could not afford the payment, so I am driving to work illegally every day. It is terrifying.
I am hoping, that since I have been helping, and trying to do good in the world, that maybe someone out there can help me keep my apartment, my electricity, and a a little food for the neighborhood stray cats.
I am back in counseling so that I may address my issues, and my inability to place my own needs above the needs of others, even though I am risking my own livelihood. I have been hurt and damaged so much, that I do everything I can to help others. It makes me feel better, and less worthless.
I have included a screenshot of my rent portal, screenshots of the ridiculous amounts of money that I give to my neighbor almost daily, a picture of all the cats that I need, and my late electricity information. I am at a loss, I have no other options.
My PayPal is paypal.me/earlmkns any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your consideration,
Earl
