Hello, My name is Jessica and I am in a financial crisis with no family in my life or friends in a position to aid me. I feel the need to state early on that I work full-time at a well-known company that pays us fairly well (or at least i thought it did until I found myself in this situation).
Some backstory: As the title states, I escaped an abusive home life with my narcissistic, abusive mother May of last year in the thick of Covid. In the year leading up to my cutting her out of my life she had become increasingly paranoid, setting up cameras around the house and eavesdropping on my phone conversations, drinking constantly, getting physically violent over tiny non-issues, stealing money and jewelry from me, starting screaming fights over nothing, going through my mail, my drawers, my purse and I found drug paraphernalia that pointed to her using hard drugs again, just to name a few of the things she was doing. On the final night she came into my room when I was reading before bed and tried to pick a fight with me. When I refused to engage (I was attempting to go grey rock for those in the know) she flew into a rage and started to physically attack me while screaming that if I layed a hand on her she’d have ME arrested by her cop friend. After a lifetime of terror and abuse at the hands of this monster I was so terrified at this random, nonsensical attack that I finally fled that house and went to stay at a motel that night and took my cats with me. It was the cheapest i could find and it’s still $1,100/mo for my three cats and I. Even at $1,100/mo this place is a roach motel. Literally. They’re everywhere. There was even a bed bug scare early on in my residency. It’s been in the teens and one of my windows is rusted open and impossible to push closed and my heat doesn’t work so I had to buy a space heater. There have been quite a few drug related incidents here, all involving meth. I have been solicited by a stranger looking to exchange sex for money. My neighbors were peeping into my bathroom window until I noticed my blinds were bent and put up towels for privacy…living here has been an adventure is what I’m getting at, but it definitely still beats homelessness or being in a constant state of terror at the hands of a narcissist.
In the beginning I wrestled with a lot of shame for seeking shelter here. Some of that shame passed after I learned that every one of the 12 rooms here is filled with someone who would otherwise be homeless and that other local motel/hotels are getting rid of weekly rates to cut down on long-term tenants because of the housing crisis. I lost the rest of my shame when I learned that more than a few of my coworkers are also living in motels, or worse, their cars. Times are hard all around.
In the first few months of my stay I was speaking with family regularly. Unfortunately the longer I remained firm in my decision to go no-contact with my mother the less supportive they became. Soon came the guilt trips, the emotional blackmail, the threats, the attempts to drag me back into the dysfunction and eventually they stopped speaking to me all together. I was prepared for this to happen, or so I thought. I’d already been counselled on how toxic families can sometimes react to a family member breaking the code of silence of a familial cycle of abuse. My first Thanksgiving and Christmas with no family was a punch to the gut. It’s for the best, ultimately, but that doesn’t ease the pain in the now. I don’t even think my friends really understand how hard the holiday season was for me.
What I thought was only temporary has become slightly less so… Why I’ve found myself begging strangers for money: So now I’m facing the uphill battle of being in the midst of a global pandemic and a housing shortage while going no-contact with an abusive parent and being outcast from the rest of my family who are on her side even though they know how bad she is. So now I’m living in a place I can’t afford that isn’t even worth the cost and I can’t find anything that I can afford and the reality of my situation is sinking in and I’m scared.
When I first fled to here I wasn’t focused on the financial aspect of my situation, it was more about just keeping afloat until I found a steady place which I didn’t think would take long, but it’s currently February the 3rd in the year of our lord 2022 and I am STILL living here, supposedly thanks to emergency covid measures halting evictions (that’s the #1 excuse I’ve heard in my home search but please don’t misunderstand me to be unsympathetic to the plight of these people; like i said, times are hard all around). I quickly depleted my savings and then started maxing out my credit cards for food, pet food, other necessities and “rent”. I paid off one thing and another would jump up into it’s place. I paid off a shed I bought a few years ago (my first investment) and immediately afterwards my car broke down for the 5th time in two years (three times since I’ve been here). Exhaust problems again, over $1,000 quote to repair it (thanks VW) so I had to get a new (used) car during a chip shortage and inflated car prices. Hello first car payment for my $10,000 used- but at least now dependable- car. Paid off a old store card credit account and immediately had to take two of my cats to the vet to learn that they’re just as stressed out by our living situation as I am and it’s causing them health problems- that cost over $800. Got to the point I was about to be homeless so I took out a 401K loan that’s all gone; I’m now paying that off. I have a medical payment plan coming to an end in a few months- that’s $67.42 back into the math but then I had to rent a self-storage unit for $75/mo so I can get all of my possessions out of the abusive house before she figured out that she can now legally lock the doors and make me take her to court to get my possessions back- after proving that it’s my stuff of course. Point is every step I take to better myself something happens to smack me back down. Now I’m to the point where all of my credit cards are maxed out and the cards I got after that are maxed too ($11,601.30 total debt across all accounts), everything that isn’t a necessity has been cancelled, I’m working 10 hour shifts for over time, I’m cancelling social engagements because I can’t afford the gas…i’m drowning and I don’t know what to do. I’ve recently started to get half of my next paycheck out early which just digs future me further into a debt I won’t be able to claw my way out of and if I return to that house I’m afraid my mother will sabotage me to where I can never dare to leave her again. I also need to start seeing a psychiatrist to help my mental state as I’m currently in a depression and in general need of psychiatric counselling to begin to heal from past trauma but can’t afford another bill to pay off and we all know medical bills pile up the fastest.
Please help me. Any donations will immediately go to paying this months living expenses and bills that i cannot afford to pay. My bi-weekly paycheck was a little over $500 after deductions and that is already gone to the motel and one bill and I have $470.42 in bills to pay before my next paycheck, not including kitty litter, pet food, human food or gas. Anything beyond that amount (Lord willing) will go to paying down credit card bills so my payments and interest charges will shrink and become more manageable. My ultimate goal is to get things payed down/off so that my monthly wages will cover everything so I can quit dreading the ever-looming fear of homelessness and then I can save up some money for a security deposit on an apartment so I can get out of here and start living my best life away from my toxic family.
~I tried to post screen shots of my credit card statements but they are apparently in the wrong file type and I don’t know how to change that~