Having been the one in the past to do charity collections and fundraising for good causes, it was always about someone else and not about my family and myself- charity was something we gave to in the hope we could make a small difference.
I’m embarrassed to even be typing this and hope if nothing else it gives me some peace of mind to voice the situation and feel that maybe someone had listened.
While trying to keep a small business running and avoid bankruptcy we as a family tightened our belts and focused on keeping food on the table and the utility bills paid, while hiding the problems from the children.
My partner works as much as she can and we are not entitled to any support from the government it seems when we asked- on the hope this was a temporary situation.
For 12 years we have managed to keep on an even keel and while no extravagant holidays or cars we were doing ok with an old car and keeping a check on our finances.
I always believed that other people either played on being ill or that their illness was a form of coping strategy and not a full blown illness.
For me illness didn’t happen overnight it was a slow build up to ending up in hospital in a state of confusion and realising that I was ill only really when admitted to emergency room
For someone who always was as strong as an ox and never ill it was hard to believe that the shaking and not being able to think straight and feel like I had been beaten up could be fibromyalgia.
I’ve struggled to keep going for years of poor health and we have sold off items to pay bills, I hate the fact that I want to support my family and can’t find a way out of this.
Currently we are in the middle of winter and heating fuel low, being careful with food purchases and heart breathtakingly considering selling our dog which will upset the children no doubt.
Work has all but stalled and my health has deteriorated, the basic outgoings exceed the household income.
I hope whatever support received that this is a temporary situation and I can pay it forward some time soon.
Having tried to see what work is available my Fibromyalgia symptoms mean that no employer will employ me and we have run out of items to sell.
For us Christmas would be a celebration to put food on the table and to heat the house in the hope we can find our way out of this situation and pay it forward again.