Welp, here goes nothin…
Hi, I’m Maddey, a formerly hopeful artist, and just another ghost lost in the system. I’m not going to say my situation is the worst on here, shit, I don’t even think my words are even worth reading, or me typing nonetheless, but I’m so shit out of luck that chasing a miracle is all I’ve got.
I’ve spent the last few years isolating myself from everyone, in fear of their judgement for my failure as a person who had “everything going for them” and “so much potential.” Potential for what though? What good is potential if you don’t even know what that potential is for, because it changes based on who’s perceiving it, it changes based on what that person’s definition of success is. Look, I’m not going to write a novel, but all I know is that this isolation has caused me to slowly lose all the people who I once held dear all due to me feeling incompetent to myself, and the fear of that idea being spread or shared with others around me. I never looked back, because my pride told me I’d never need help, nor would I want to waste someone else’s time helping me. Well, now I need that help. And I’m shit out of options. Isolation is a bitch, even if you think you’re fine, you’re slowly warping your deepest thoughts into unrecognizable beasts in your brain. My self loathing grew into hatred, and my fear of one day becoming my older brother who OD’d on heroin has now started becoming a possible outcome of my reality. I need help, but I can’t get it. I’ve dug a hole that’s so deep that I can’t get back out. I’ve spent all my money and time fading into a comfy oblivion that has left me with nothing but a death ticket. My hope is fading, and I with it.
I found a drug rehab that has a $2,000 downpayment ($30,000 total), and am just praying for an angel to help me cover the down payment fee. I doubt I’ll get any takers, but if this does work, then I’ve got my ticket to having a chance to do this all over, to try again.
I guess I’m just asking for someone to help me help myself. It’ll be a miracle if this works, but that’s exactly what I need to get me out of this hole.
If anything, just thanks for reading this, if anyone even has at all.