Hello,
My name is Sara I am 27 years old and I need to escape from my current life. I suffer from mental health issues as well as some debilitating physical health diagnoses and some undiagnosed problems. I live with my “fiance” of now 10 years and I have suffered from emotional/mental abuse and some physical. He is a narcissist to the T. A thoroughbred manipulator and womanizer. He cheated around our 5-year mark. He is an alcoholic and during the earlier years, he was addicted to cocaine and Xanax. In the beginning, he hid things well. I was 17 when I met him and I come from a very toxic family. I suffer from PTSD mostly from childhood trauma but also relationships including this one and have made it worse over the years. He knew from the very start that I had mental health issues and he took advantage of that knowledge with his narcissistic ways. I have PTSD, Bipolar, Severe Depression, and Anxiety. I was in counseling as a child but once I turned 18 and lost my insurance I was no longer able to go. But honestly, the people I have seen didn’t help me. My family put me through so much growing up. My mom is still a pain pill addict. My dad left when I was a baby. My grandma was an addict to many substances she died in 08. My great grandmother took care of me most of my life she was a good woman in a lot of ways but she helped play a role in making my life miserable. My mom is also mentally disabled and cannot work. She has never had enough money to care for a child off her SSI check. Bills wouldn’t get paid, little to any food, no transportation. Juvenile services got involved because I missed so much school. I hated going because I would smell sometimes and always had to wear the same clothes. I was bullied but no believed me. I bounced between my mom, ggrandmother, and an uncle’s home for years throughout this time as well as being sent off to behavior facilities and the detention center because I was made ot to be a bad child/adolescent. However, it wasn’t me it was them. My ggrandmother would lie to cover my mom and uncle’s behavior. I was drug out of bed at 2 am by my feet, thrown into a wall, then slammed into a recliner before being screamed at by my uncle who was drunk and high on meth saying I ruined his life. His wife left his right after they got custody of me but also he was accusing her of sleeping with their bosses son and more. They divorced 2 months after their 1 year anniversary and that’s when he went down hill for good. This happened maybe 3 months later. I told my grandmother, my therapist, my probation officer, my mom. My grandmother told them I was lying to cover for all the things I was supposedly doing so I wouldn’t get in trouble. Of course they didn’t. I begged them to emancipate me at 16 but all they tried to do was dump me in a center for unwanted teens. I went days without eating living with my uncle, DHS was called by another uncle but they closed the case. I ran away so many times because I wanted to free of them and to be happy. I was 2 months shy of 18 when I met my”fiance” I saw the opportunity of escaping. He seemed like everything I could’ve hoped for and he was for a good while but once we became serious his true colors started to show. Things were great for the first couple years. His family didn’t like me or his friends so that started pushing things downhill then he just turned. I have been called every name he could come up with. I have been degraded and torn down to my lowest. I have been physically assaulted but the mental abuse has been the absolute worse of my life. He has went as low as saying to me “The worst mistake you’ve ever made was not successfully killing yourself.” I do suffer from suicidal thoughts and I have attempted to taking my life twice, once being hospitalized and this was when we had just met and was friends at the time. I’ve had the urges multiple times over the years. I battle everything on my own, I have no one to trust, to rely on for anything. If I leave I would be jobless, carless, and homeless. I’m the 10 years being together he has done nothing to help me better myself in any way. He pays the bills and controls the money because its his. 10 years and I’m treated as a maid, secondhand. I’ve never been made a priority, he puts everything and everyone else before me. He refuses to be or take responsibility for anything. I manage the house, bills, shopping, chores, and every little thing in between. I am exhausted I have tried for years to find a way out. He was suppose to make life better for me as he put it but I just fell into a trap. I went from one bad living situation to another. Its hard to keep jobs with my issues both mental and physical since I am unable to regularly see the Dr.s I need and medications. I have no transportation, he works mon- fri waking up at 540 am and not getting home til 6pm. We live in the country where he made the solo decision to place us. Closest town is 20 minutes either way and I am stuck with no way to go anywhere until he gets home and only then am I allowed to pay the bills, shopping, etc. before everyone closes at 730- 8pm. Its just gotten to the point I feel numb anymore. I’m tired of giving my all and getting nothing to show for it. The cost of living I couldn’t afford flipping burgers at McDonalds. I have tried going back to school a few times so I could try to get a decent job but I couldn’t handle the stress from it. I’m honestly to my breaking point again, I have no hope left of living a better life. I feel cursed. I’m made to feel like a burden by him a lot too. I’ve been told how worthless I am. That I ‘m not worth having a home with or being married to and that why he says we aren’t married yet. 8 years of engagement.. I have never cried so much in my life than from being with him. I have mental breakdowns multiple times a week and multiple times in a day. Lately, it’s just to the point that I cannot continue this life and I fear that if I continue waiting for the changes that have been promised hundreds of times that I know will never come that I may end up to the point I hurt myself. There is so much I left out from family and relationships but this is the main of it. I believe being on my own at this point is what is best for me so I can focus on getting the help I need and being able to work and provide for myself because I have learned not to trust to anymore. I just need enough to get on my own feet. A car, deposits for a place to stay, I have 4 broken teeth and 2 wisdom teeth needing removing, and just enough to help get me where I need to see Drs and have the ability to have a happy fulfilling life. If you help I swear I will be forever grateful and if things turn around possibly saving my life. Thank you in advance to anyone. GOD bless.
https://paypal.me/SaraS737?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US